Writing Day 25

2376 Words
44,011 Total

Well, that wasn't as hard as I was sure it was going to be.  After Day 24, I was thinking I would have no idea what to do next, but after I sat down tonight and started typing, it pretty much came together, so I'm feeling relieved.

Now on to the next day of writing...

There is a feeling of dread now as the days wind down.  I have 6 more days using the writing kit though I'm sure I'll reach 50,000 words before the end and I know the book won't be finished.  The kit recommends rushing the end anyway, just so its complete, but that makes it worse because I really have NO idea how this is going to end.  I'm trying to keep the faith with this and thinking that it will come to me, because I've been managing so far, but its really flying by the seat of your pants writing.

I might have mentioned previously that the book I'm writing has been floating around in my head for years - well one of the big obstacles has been the fact that I never knew how to end it or what would be a good ending.  I'm not trying to go for the 'Happily Ever After' type of ending - just one that makes sense and feels right.  I would hate for someone to read it and go, "Bleh."  I've done that at the end of a book and I certainly don't want that reaction to my novel.

Anyway... here is today's sample:

She picked up her cup of coffee and curled her fingers around it as she held it to her chest, liking the warmth it provided through her palms.  There were a lot of words on her lips to say, but they felt pointless now that everything was said and done.  She wanted to be angry and shout, but it was like her body had maxed out on that emotion, as if she was an overcharged credit card.  “Well…  I don’t forgive him.”

“He doesn’t expect you to.”

“I don’t want to see him either.  Not right now.”



“Okay.  Whatever you want.”

Samantha gave a snort, “What I want is to go back home to my parent’s house, curl up in my bed and have none of this happen.”

So, noticing that there aren't many people reading these posts anymore...  I'm keeping notes and when I'm a rich and famous author, there are definitely some people who are going to be on my list...  :P

Or else my samples are really boring and uninteresting so followers have given up.  Hmmm....

Writing Day 23

2576 Words
42,748 Total

Well, I hit this week's goal of 40,000 words with a bit of room to spare I might add!  According to the No Plot? No Problem kit, I am nearly at my 50,000 word total.  Ok, not nearly, but pretty darn close.  Luckily this past bit was sort of easy in terms of writing since I knew what was going to happen here.  I have no idea what happens next, but that will be the next sit down tomorrow.  Hopefully it will come together!  I'm still unsure if the overall story will be interesting or if the ideas and things are heavy handed or just plain boring. Its like staring at a word that you know you spelled right, but just looks wrong... 

Tomorrow starts week four and technically the last section before the end of this process.  I'm not sure what the next part will have me do or how I'll be feeling by the end, but right now, I'm feeling pretty good.  That feeling you get when you ride a bike up a hill and are now seeing that the rest is downhill.

I have no idea if it will be all downhill from here, but I'm sort of hoping that if it is, its in terms of ease of writing and not in quality. 

Anyway, here is your tidbit:

“Don’t worry I said.  We’re almost there… Just around this tree.”

Samantha rubbed her eyes, “Almost where?”  And it was hard not to keep the annoyance out of her words.

“Right here.”

Coming around the large tree she found herself entering a huge clearing.  The canopy of golden boughs broke to reveal the clear blue sky above and the ground was green with fresh grass as if it was spring and it wanted to show off its brightest color.  A wide circle of great big stones, the surface smooth where there weren’t great swirling patterns carved in, ringed the clearing, like a giant had placed them there.  The stones were about ten feet across and at least 20 feet high, fingers pointing to the sky above and they gave off the feeling of being ancient. 

Writing Day 21

Words 1692
Total 37,965

I can honestly say, today was one of those days that I didn't feel like writing.  Not because I didn't know what to write, but I was just feeling bleh about doing it.  Obviously, I did write, or else I'd have to answer to all of you about not having done my work today!  That's partly why I do this blog every other day, so that I have to answer to someone rather than just depend on myself to keep up on it.  I do better when I'm accountable to people other than myself.

So whenever I get bleh, I just think, "Ugh... people following this blog are going to be all, 'what the hell!' and I don't want to deal with that."  Which works well enough to get me to sit down and type.  And I have gifs like this one to keep me at my writing:

I cannot refuse Sherlock.

While the goal is 50,000 words, I know I am going to be well over that because I can see my progress along the chart and I know there is more to come than what I can see will happen.  I'm following the course laid out by the kit's book - we're not supposed to look ahead so I'm being good and not doing that.  I'm a sucker for following instructions.  Its my backup plan in case things go wrong or don't work, because then I can say, "I did exactly what it told me to do!"  It works well when putting furniture together too.

Anyway...

Here is today's snippet:

They found a place to park and got out into air that was crisp and beneath leaves that were hues of gold with ground that was a carpet of fire tones.  It was beautiful and Samantha felt a sense of renewal go through her as she took in a deep breath of fresh air with a lingering smell of fresh earth that made her think of days waiting for the school bus when she was little.  Autumn was always a time of new beginnings to her.  It was when the new school year would start and when the Jewish New Year would fall, so it held more of a promise of days to come than New Year’s eve.

Foxglove happily trotted about, sniffing everything she could and then peeing on it shortly thereafter to mark it as her territory.  While Gabe walked her around, Steve and Samantha took out water bottles and some cereal bars to eat.  She would have loved some coffee, but this would have to do.  “This was a great idea,” she said between bites.

He grinned, “I’m smarter than I look.”

Writing Day 19

2077 Words
34156 Total

I am going to have the face the music that I don't know if I have a climax for this book.  I don't know if I should be worrying about that right now, but the fear that this is all going to meander is gnawing at me.  I don't have a definite way for this all to end and that is the biggest issue for me right now.  I keep thinking it will come to me.

I suppose I should have faith.  I've come this far and things are popping up in my head. 

There are pages of notes of changes I'll make after I finish writing this first draft and the challenge is to keep them in mind as I write without making all the edits now - and to not go back and make the changes.  Keeping myself moving forward is forcing me to make some decisions off the cuff and some of them work and some are noted to be edited later. 

When I'm not writing, I definitely feel like I should be, but I worry that its a distraction from other things I should be doing.  This has been an issue with my art as well.  Doing art hasn't felt... good a lot of the times, because I've felt guilty indulging in it, even though I used to love it so much.  Doing it made me feel bad because I should have been working or looking for work or doing something more... adult or more what I am 'supposed to be doing'.  I am still looking for work, but there is only so much you can actually do and I want to finish this book.  I don't know if it will come together to be something to be published, but it would be an accomplishment and I think I need that.  

So when I get down on myself, I push that aside and keep plugging away.  And if I feel guilty, I'll just say to myself, "Mr. Gaiman made me do it!"

Okay... on to today's snippet:

“No.” she smirked then heard her phone buzzing.  Taking it out of the bag at her feet she lifted it up in the dark car to see what it was.  The face lit up and there was a text message notification.  Clicking open the message app she saw a single question, 

“Where are you?”

 Her brows knit.  She didn’t recognize the sender.  “Steve do you know Int3rn3tz with threes instead of e’s?”  They did have some mutual friends so it might be someone she met through him and wasn’t recognizing right away.

The phone buzzed again. 

“Where are you?” 

“Nope…” he answered as he passed a car.

“Gabe…?” She called over to the back seats, “Do you know anyone called Int3rn3tz?” Samantha didn’t give her number out to anyone unless she met them more than once, so there was no way they could have her number otherwise. “Spelled using threes instead of e’s.”

The cell vibrated with its notification. 

“Where are you?” 

Gabe frowned and shook his head, “No one I know.” 

Anubis sat up, “Who?”

“Int3rn3tz.”  



“Shit, shut it down!  Turn off the fucking phone!”

“What, why?” She asked as she frantically tried to grasp it to hit the power button as the phone buzzed again.

“Where are you?”

Writing Day 17

2070 Words
32079 Total

I'm supposed to try to hit 40,000 words by the end of this week. It seems a bit harder to try for 2000 words each time I sit to write because where things naturally feel like a good end are being changed or things are being added.  This could be a good thing because its keeping me on my toes and thinking. 

I am wondering about character development a bit now.  I don't know if these are characters other people would care about... and I wonder if my ideas are original enough.  I mean, its hard to be 100% original with so many books and stories out there, but I would hate to think of this as being derivative of something else.  And I'm constantly in a state of "This sounded better in my head."  The great turns of phrase that I imagine, never seem to be exactly as great as I hoped they were when they are written down.

I suppose that is another normal aspect of writing though...  Is any writing as great as the writer imagined it to be before they got it down on paper.

Oh well.. Just gotta keep writing!

Here is this weeks excerpt for you...  Though I do have to ask:  Are you intrigued by what I've been writing?  Does this sound at all interesting?  Do you want to know more?  Let me know! 

They rode in silence for the most part, the radio on with local news reporting the incident in downtown Aerontown.  She wanted to tell Steve to shut it off, that it was making her feel horrible, but she felt like it was what she deserved.  She should feel like shit for everything that happened.  It was her fault after all. 

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat, resting her forehead against the glass window as the world passed by.  Her whole body ached and her palms burned from the sidewalk rash she got when she fell before and her knees hurt.  She hadn't taken the time to wash up or check herself for any bleeding or wounds when she had been up in the apartment, but she didn't care.  It was another penance to serve.  If she'd listened and not gone to work, then no one would have been hurt and businesses wouldn't have been destroyed.  Aerontown wouldn't have nearly gotten blown off the map.  The least she could do was bleed a little.

Writing Day 15

1290 Words
27,159 Total

Starting Week Three!  Still have a lot of questions to answer...  I've already made a ton of notes of things to remember when I go back and edit it - things that have to be changed or items to be added - so I don't forget them later on.  I'm feeling good about where things are going and trying not to concentrate too much on where its all leading to.  I'm sure it will work itself out in the writing. 

Sometimes the writing feels good and I feel like I have my voice in it and other times, I definitely feel like I'm just putting words in there till the next bit.  Its up and down a lot.  I haven't had any characters 'speak' to me yet or change where I'm sending them which could be good or bad.  It might be good, because it means everyone is going in the right direction, or it might be bad because they aren't good characters and don't have anything to say.  Of course, I could be over thinking it all, which is a bad habit of mine.  It won't change how I handle this though - still going to just keep typing away...

And that's probably the best way for me to handle all of this.  If I just keep writing and don't think, then the chances of it getting all down on paper are a lot greater.  Previous times I've started writing something, then went back and read it and rewrote it and edited it and never moved forward.  I got stuck in the beginning and trying to make that perfect before getting to the end.  This is actually helping because I just keep writing and I know it will all be finished and I will still be able to go back and make changes.  While I wish I had done this sooner, I am glad I'm doing it now. 

Anyway, here is your excerpt for today:

She was dreading going to work, but at the same time, looking forward to it.  One, it would get her out of the house and two, it would give her something else to focus on instead of herself and everything over the weekend.  And yes, she was able to call it what it was: avoidance.  No doubts about that.  Going to work was the equivalent of sticking her fingers in her ears, closing her eyes and singing "LALALALA!" at the top of her lungs.  It was childish, probably a bad idea and wouldn't really solve anything, but she wasn't trying to answer any questions first thing Monday morning.  She wanted to do something boring and to pretend that everything was perfectly normal, nothing to see here, everyone move along.  Besides, what she had said last night wasn't a lie.  There were still bills to pay and food to buy and that wouldn't go away just because she happened to be in the middle of some world changing crisis. 

Writing Day 13

Words: 1920
Total: 23,883

Thirteen is supposed to be unlucky, but I'm feeling pretty good.  As I said last time, I feel like I'm heading up the hill and getting to the point where the excitement should start.  I have a lot of ideas and now trying to integrate them is the challenge.  I'm also wondering how much of the 'reveals' I've had would be a surprise to anyone.  I mean, they seem obvious to me, but then, I know the truth so its hard to know how they are going to read to an outside audience.  I'm also not sure about the pacing, but I'm not worried too much about that right now.

Neil Gaiman, the man behind that hand!

At this point, I'm just following the process as I've been instructed to by the book and just writing.  Its interesting to me where certain things are coming in and where influences are happening.  I know I am influenced by Neil Gaiman who is my favorite writer - there is such a great ease to his words, an effortlessness that makes his work a joy to read.  I am also apparently bringing in some Japanese horror manga...  Which might be apparent to those that read the excerpt I've put in today.

But part of that is being creative.  We take in the world around us and we interpret what we experience.  I'm feeling a little better about writing, but I really don't know if what I'm writing is worth anything... which probably makes me a writer... right?  Well, anyway, here is today's excerpt for your enjoyment:

Over her shoulder in the mirror, she noticed one of the stall doors open and a woman came out.  She hadn't realized anyone had been in the bathroom besides her and she hoped the woman hadn't heard her talking to herself.  With long hair covering her face, it was hard to know what the lady heard or showed signs of hearing so Samantha tossed the paper towel into the hole cut in the counter top and turned to leave.  That was when she was suddenly five feet from where she had been standing and slammed into the wall.

The air was thrust out of her lungs, leaving her heaving and fish gaping desperately while through the blurriness of her vision she made out the dark from of the woman. What the hell…? Was she being mugged?  "…Please--" she coughed out, noticing that her feet weren't touching the ground.  The woman's hands were against Samantha's chest, holding her in place and pressing against her.  In no time, those hands would crack her ribs and then kill her as her heart and lungs were pierced and crushed.  The long hair now looked lanky and stringy, like it had been dipped in oil and as her face moved closer, Samantha saw pits where her eyes should have been in a corroded face.  The scream that should have formed was lost with the air she was desperate for and she shoved her hands at her attacker.  Beneath her palms was the initial solid form of a body, but then it gave… Her hands were being soaked into the greasy flesh.

Writing Day 11

1750 Words
20,283  Total

So I'm getting to the meat of things and now its getting difficult again.  On top of being the second week slumps, I'm getting to that point where the moment is starting and I'm getting nervous.  Its kind of like the roller-coaster slowly heading up the hill and the apex is coming and then its all screaming and freaking it out. 

...whee.....?

If you don't know me well you should know, I don't like roller-coasters.  They freak me out.  The sense of falling is one part of it and the other is having no control over anything - its all out of my hands.  I suppose that is telling isn't it? 

Well yeah, so I'm having trepidation about the days ahead, because I have a feeling they are definitely going to be free-falling and I will be gripping tightly for dear life and not have a damn clue what the hell I'm doing. 

image from: http://rumble.com/user/f_bong911/

But this is fun... right?

image from: http://rumble.com/user/f_bong911/

...Right?

image from: http://rumble.com/user/f_bong911/

Okay... well... here is your excerpt for today:

"There's more… I mean, of course there is because that doesn't explain anything…  But you have to believe me about all of this!" Gabe said desperately.

Samantha stared at him for a long while, not sure what to say.  The two men were staring back at her, obviously waiting for her reaction, her response, for her to explode or faint or something in the face of the news she'd been given.  She honestly could feel her brain seize up completely, like a computer that couldn't calculate the information and had the blue screen of death flashing up there.  It was pretty ludicrous, but she couldn't think of a reason for him to lie, but if it was true, what the hell did that mean?  Something burbled in her throat and she thought she was going to throw up, but instead of bile, all that came out of her mouth was a burst of hysterical laughter that she had no way of stopping.

"My dear friend, I do believe you have broken her."

"Shut up Anapa!"

Writing Day 9

2300 Words
16635 Total

The book is starting to really take shape now.  Even though the idea has been burbling in my brain for years, I never really sat down to attack it.  Now that I'm writing it, I am having ideas and needing to write notes and things I need to expand upon.  The questions I had years ago are getting answered.  Interesting turns and twists are forming and I feel good about them.  I'm excited to see where they take me.

Now for your excerpt:

Thursday night rolled in and with Gabe gone, Samantha started to feel anxious again.  Just to be safe, she kept a glass of water on her nightstand and some aspirin.  She also got a folding knife out of the nightstand drawer and put it on top where it would be within reach.  It had been a gift from her Father, along with a container of mace when she started going to school in New York.  He wanted her to be safe, but like the pendant, the fact she had them made her feel more secure and confident when she walked down the street.  Nothing had ever happened to her in the city, even on late night rides on the subway from friend's places.  Sure, she felt nervous and anxious from time to time - you would be an idiot to think it was impossible for something to happen to you as you walked alone through a city at night.  Just by sheer math and percentages, the chances of getting mugged, or raped or killed were high, but Samantha had been one of those lucky people who had never had to deal with that.  She kept her level of stupid low too - so no walking down dark alleys, she kept her eyes and eyes open and never wore earbuds as she traveled, her phone was always in her pocket within easy reach and she never carried an obvious purse with her.  It and always been either a backpack or the wallet she still had with its chain in her back pants pocket.  And of course, there was the folding knife and mace.

I am trying to find interesting parts that aren't giving too much away so I'm sorry if this all seems vague still.

Writing Day 7

1728 Words
12760 Total

Still going!

Earlier in the day I took some notes on things - items I wanted to address, some ideas and a little bit of a time frame and things I wanted to make sure I remembered so they would happen.  I know once I'm all done, I'll have made a ton more notes because even now, I'm half thinking about things I want to change.

I do know that this isn't all my voice yet so to speak.  I'm mostly writing to get things down and there are a few interesting moments, but I'm not as worried about the tone yet.  This story is a big one for me and I've had it in mind for a long time, so this is an opportunity to force myself to really attack it and try to make it happen, more than an experiment in writing style.  This is only the first draft - There will be more.

 Yesterday's writing wasn't too bad, but it was a little rough.  I am having little aha moments from time to time, but there are still a lot of unanswered questions.  I'm getting to the point where I will need to do some research to finesse some of the ideas I have so it isn't just something that's out of my head.  I want there to be some weight to it.  I don't love research, only because I've always thought it took away from my writing time and since this is a specific writing challenge, I don't want to lose that time frame I'm in - cause I'm ahead a bit here in words.  I'm doing quick searches online for some seeds of information and I'll do more when I go for the Second Draft.

I'm hoping that it is sounding interesting, even if there isn't a clear idea on what's going on.  I don't really want you to know the story - sorry - because its a big concept and I'd rather that it gets revealed if this ever gets published... Because up until now, I haven't seen it done.  So here is another snippet... Hope you are enjoying these....

Her hands flopped to the side and she looked at him, making out half features in the poor light, but able to feel the concern of his gaze on her, "Right…" She sighed, "I guess it would be better if I was losing my mind.  There are pills for that."

"Ugh, but the side-effects.  I think those would be worse."

"Oh you mean the possible side-effects including thoughts of suicide?" She half-joked, thinking of all the medication commercials advertised on television which always seemed to have side-effects that were worse than the ailment they were supposed to be curing.

Gabe lay back down and gave a half laugh, "Yeah, bleeding from the nose, eyes and ears…"

"Hair growing in strange places."

"Heart exploding"

"Vomiting and the shakes…"

"Oily discharge and the inability to control it…"

"UGH!" Samantha said, laughing by now "Crap," She said through it, "I guess pills really are worse."

In the quiet after the laughter died down, Gabe said, "Don't worry.  We'll figure it out.  I won't let anything happen.  You know that right?"

"Yeah…" but deep down, she wondered exactly what he could actually do.

On thinking about Frozen further... Fairy Tale imagery and meaning

I personally was not a huge fan of Disney's Frozen.  It isn't the worse animated children's film, to be sure, but I just didn't love it like everyone else seems to.  I know that kid's films aren't directed at me as a viewer, but most of the smart companies are aware that you want to keep adults entertained as well, so the argument "Its not for you." is a little weak in my opinion.  But on the other hand, if you liked it, that's fine.  Not everyone likes the same things, right?

The Snow Queen:1957 Soviet animated film by Lev Atamanov.

 So... in college, I did take some courses on studying Fairy Tales and many things came up in my mind while watching Frozen that were items we covered in the class.  See, many of what we now consider the 'princess' fairy tales (thanks to Disney) were focused on the idea of young women reaching sexual maturity and how that would change things in their lives.  Red Riding Hood was about a young girl avoiding the dangers of being preyed upon by Wolves (Men) though she doesn't listen and there is imagery of picking flowers (deflowering) and being consumed (sex), etc...  The huntsman that saves her and her grandmother was added later and wasn't part of the original story. 

Now, I'm not saying the writers of Frozen put tons of thought into it and the truth is, I wish they had.  The original story of The Snow Queen was an amazing fairy tale and was one of the few featuring a female character SAVING a male character.  For all the cries of how Frozen is such a great feminist movie with strong female characters, I can only shake my head and point to the original which had an amazing and colorful cast of strong female leads.  (Honestly, taking an all female cast and whittling it down to two and surrounding them with men...)

I missed the Little Robber Girl!

Anyway, if I look at Frozen in the same way as I would a Grimm Fairy Tale, we have Elsa, a young girl who is special and a princess.  She is on the cusp of puberty and her body is changing.  The uncontrolled power she has is symbolic of a lack of emotional control - this is shown by her ice flaring out when she gets upset. We know that as a girl goes through puberty (and young men) they go through deep emotional changes and can lash out, even when they don't want to.  Even THEY don't understand what is happening to them.  In this case, Elsa lashes out at Anna and causes her harm.  The King and Queen take both girls to specialists, concerned for the safety (purity) of their daughters.  In a traditional sense, girls going through puberty are dangerous - they begin to develop sexually and will begin to corrupt others.  This is of course an old misongynist view point, but again, I am harkening back to the OLD Fairy Tales and ideas behind them.

In this case, it is the trolls, old wise creatures that live in the woods.  They are wild  and ancient, but carry the tradition of the 'witch' or elder type.  You go to the older generation for advice.  They tell the parents that Elsa is dangerous to herself and others.  Confirming the idea that her growing sexuality is dangerous and she will harm Anna (corrupt her).  The solution to all of this is to lock her away from everyone. 

Now taking a step out of analyzing it, I am going to point this out: INSTEAD OF TEACHING ELSA HOW TO CONTROL HER POWER, THEY LOCK HER AWAY.  A friend pointed out to me that the chains in the dungeon had to have existed previous to Elsa being locked up later in the movie.  They had no time to have a blacksmith create those types of manacles - which were specially made to confine Elsa, which means her parents had them made before - just in case because they considered their daughter dangerous.  I wonder if Elsa knew about them.  All of this is a very dark shadow that NO one is talking about.

Seriously, they just had these ready and waiting!

Going back to the fairy tale...  Elsa matures as does Anna.  Neither is given a proper education on dealing with their own sexuality.  Elsa is apparently told on how to be 'a good girl' because she is going to be queen.  It is all about appearance and behavior.  Anna does not seem to get much attention or teaching (as seen by her constant state of boredom and isolation in that Snowman song).  Anna is so uneducated as a young woman that she holds on to the childish idea of love at first sight and getting married to a prince.  Elsa is stifled emotionally - clearly by her inability to deal with other socially and by the icing that she can't control.  The other part is that Elsa is a full blown adult and is covered from head to toe to keep her power (sexuality) hidden and under wraps because she has been taught that it is wrong and dangerous.  Her body must be covered up so as not to entice others to sin.

Anna, still being childish announces she wants to get married to the guy she just met and if you notice, there is little to no sexual tension (we know why later because: SPOILER: Hans is a douchebag.).  She is a child doing childish things.  While she might be pure, there is no sense of Anna being a normal young lady.  Now in terms of Fairy Tales, this addresses the 'childish' idea of a young woman choosing her husband to be, rather than having her parents or guardians choosing for her.  It shows that she is not ready and look what happens?  Things fall apart for her.  If she had allowed an arranged marriage as young girls normally had done, things would have been better for her - after all, even her sexually repressed sister agrees this is a bad idea for Anna.

Going back to Elsa...  Here she is being crowned queen and she is incapable of taking on the crown... showing that she really needed a man to help her.  Perhaps this is a warning to young ladies whose parents die (not an uncommon occurrence) to not attempt to take on the responsibilities on her own and that she should turn to a man or finding a husband to help take on the household items.  Elsa freaks out and runs away.  She has lost control of her sexual power in the face of all these men who are around her.  Showing sexual power is dangerous.  Let's take a look at the words she uses:

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know

Repressed to free

Sounds like a little bit of a sexual revolution there right?  And how about the before and after Elsa?  If that isn't a young woman claiming her sexual power, I don't know what is.

But even as she releases her power, she is still isolated and does not appear any better for this new freedom, sexy slit dress, heels and all.  The lesson here?  Don't let your sexuality get out of control or else you will be alone. Elsa is no longer an innocent woman.  She is now the force which Anna must face.  In traditional terms, she takes on the role of the witch - the enemy of the other characters.

Anna decides to go running after her sister, alone.  It is not an unusual situation in fairy tales to have  a young female going out into the wild.  This is Anna's going into the forest, symbolizing her journey into maturity - facing the danger.  Normally, the young woman faces the witch, or old crone, and normally out of that encounter, there is a transformation - the young heroine is meant to return a woman with secret powers of her own. 

Free to be sexy!

But in this version, there is no other crone.  Instead it is Anna's sexually active sister who sends her away.  What are we to take from this?  Do we take that Elsa, now in the witch position, is refusing to help her sister achieve maturity, to help guide her to the next step in her life?  So much so, that Elsa creates a snow beast to attack her sister and send her away.  Because of this, Anna does not get to achieve her transformation - she is actually denied it and is struck by the uncontrolled power of Elsa yet again.  Elsa is dangerous still.  You can't trust her because she has not kept her purity.

Now, Anna must return to the trolls to try to gain healing for her frozen heart (symbolic of her frozen maturity).  What is it they tell her?  That she must marry the man she is with.  Now, here we see them showing that if she is to travel with a man alone, she should marry him so that it is appropriate for her to be with him - they ignore her 'childish' protests stating that she was in love with Hans and wanted to marry him.  Kristoff is a more appropriate match regardless of their own wishes in the matter because HIS parents/guardians are arranging it.  The elder troll tells her that 'true love' will save her but the reference here is to 'correct love'.  We are to assume in the story, that it would be the love of Kristoff who Anna knows just as long as Hans really, but that is an arranged marriage rather than her choosing with her heart - which is now not really capable of working correctly.

So, Hans comes and captures Elsa - Men have to confine her because she is out of control according to them and her behavior only proves them right.  They bind her and put her in a dungeon. If they don't she certainly will seduce them all with her power and corrupt others.  Anna, still convinced in her childish way that Hans in her true love, returns home to cure her heart. 

I'm going to skip some stuff here - because I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone, but I think its pretty clear from what everyone is saying, that Anna saves her sister.  In this situation, Anna is frozen by Elsa's power and is transformed (perhaps finally being connecting with her own sexual power?) and in the end, its her and Kristoff - the man that had been chosen for her by elder figures and an arranged marriage.  Proof that this is how it should be for a young woman.  Witnessing her sister's transformation, Elsa realizes her release is not healthy and she had to pull in the sexual aura she has been exuding - it is causing harm to others, a theme repeated throughout the story really.

Yay, I'm getting married and you'll be forever alone!

Elsa unfortunately, while achieving her own control is still a sexual being, but she has no love interest.  While she is sexy and powerful, she will not find a man to stand by her side and will be alone, unlike her sister who has gone through a transformative journey to womanhood and found her 'true love' in the end. 

I'm sure there are people who would read it differently.  This is just based on my study of fairy tales and the meanings behind them.  Most of them were about preparing young women (when they were featured) to prepare for puberty and their sexuality and getting married to the right person.  Remaining pure was very important.  And the above is just my observations on the matter.  I might be reading it completely wrong. 

I've clearly over thought all of this.

Writing Day 5

1850 words
9132 total

You'll notice that I'm not posting EVERY day.  I am trying to do a post every other day, just to make sure I'm holding myself accountable and letting you all know that I'm still working on this thing.  Yesterday was rough, but I am just forcing myself forward.  I had a better idea of what I wanted to do today, so that was a little easier.  I do suspect tomorrow will be difficult again.  I think getting to the meat of the situation is getting hard to approach - I'm dancing around it right now because I'm not sure when to bring it in.  When is it too soon?  I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't supposed to be perfect at this stage.

I'm also thinking that some time soon I'll do a rough little outline of some things or at least take some notes to be signposts for the larger work.  I still have NO idea how to story arc it or even find a conclusion.  I'm hoping that happens when I get to the points where that will be important.

I'm not pretending that I'm a writer here, though I do think I'm pretty good when I have a clear idea.  My thing here is that while I have a pretty good idea at the base of all this, I don't have it all set up for how it is supposed to be expressed.  But I'm not giving up or anything... Just have to keep pushing this and remember that once I have all this written down, I can go back and make changes to it.  Here is another snippet for you guys to check out:

The light was odd and there was a shadow there.  Her brows drew together as she tried to make it out, but a few of the drivers had their lights on and they would flash as they passed by the window.  About to ignore it, Samantha then noticed it move forward, like a person pushing away from a wall they were leaning on, but it was still just a shadow.  It kept moving forward, towards the store, the cars going right through it.  Her breath caught and she felt her heartbeat speed up in fear, but she couldn't move, even as she was sure the thing was heading right for her. She knew it would go through the wall and glass of the building and was going to reach her.  And it was moving.  It was right up to the large window, pressing against it and Samantha wanted to scream but she was terrified of making any noise.  Now it was seeping through the wall like it glass and plaster weren't there and she was sure she was going to die.

Does this thing sound interesting at all?

Writing Day 3

1750 words
5375 total

Hey, look, I'm writing... 

So, the book convinced me that I'd have trouble around the middle of this book with some writing blocks and such, but to be honest, my second day was pretty rough.  I had a good beginning I thought, but then the next step to get to the next point was pretty hard.  I managed it and got through my 3rd day of writing.  I forced myself to just keep going and see where things took me and that appeared to work pretty well.  So, writing block - BE GONE!

 

I know the basis of the story and I have some scenes in my head forming now, but as of this moment, most of this is stream of conscious.  Its meandering a lot, but I'm just trying to keep writing and reach my word goals per day if not more.  The work is just a lump of clay and I'm adding more clay as I go, forming rough parts that are sort of representing something.  After I have the basic shape, I can go back and refine it all (I suspect there will be a lot of refining), but it feels like a bit of a mess.

Still, better to keep at it than get myself bogged down too much.  This isn't the first time I've written something before, but I usually have a clearer idea of things.  While I have solid story idea, the specifics are being difficult.  

Here is another segment for you to peruse....

Standing by the massive copier in the back, Samantha watched as copy after copy shot out of the back end, slowly filling the tray up with a listing of a special menu that the Sweet Spoon was having for a big singles night.  It was actually the restaurant to the other side of Aeron's Print and Copy.  She was staring at the copies as they piled up till Rachel came by and ran a hand in front of the dark haired girl's face, "Helloooooo,"

Blinking, Samantha 'woke up' from her day dreaming and blushed slightly as she offered a sheepish grin, "Sorry… Did you need me or something?"

"No, but you were definitely not here with us."

"Yeah, sorry, I have no idea where the hell I've been today.  Just having a weird day, you know?" She had no intention of describing why she as having a weird day or what happened, that was for sure.  Rachel was nice and sweet, but she and Samantha weren't close friends.

"Oh, I know.  I've had more than a few weird days myself." She headed to the other machine to check out a page she had just printed.

"I doubt anything like I've had this morning…" Samantha muttered to herself as the last copy spit out.  After lifting the pile from the tray, she walked to the center counter area and boxed the copies up.  Roger already had a bill printed out so she taped that to the top of the box and then carried the box to Cyril, "Hey, can you do me a favor and take this over to Missy next door?"

He looked up from his computer and gave a slight frown, "Can't you do it?"

"I could, but it looks like its drizzling out there."

"Its right next door…" Cyril now leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling with his arms flopped down, "Come on…"

"Cyril, I have curly hair, I have enough trouble dealing with it when its dry outside.  The last thing I need is to get it wet.  Even a little bit."

"Fiiiine."  He hopped from the chair and took the box from her before heading outside.

It was a bold faced lie that she didn't want to get her hair wet.  There was an awning over the front of the copy shop and in front of Sweet Spoon.  The time she'd be exposed to any rain was a second or two between awnings and the chances of that completely ruining her hair were pretty slim.  The truth was, she did not want to leave the shop again if she didn't have to.

No Plot? No Problem

So yeah... I've sort of been remiss here haven't I?  I think I need to stop making announcements about how I'm going to get better at updating this blog and being all 'RAWR WATCH ME BLOG!' about it.  Its not that I have nothing to say, but like most things that have been happening to me, my desire to do something outshines my drive to actually do it.  No, its not laziness, but an actual malaise that has taken over me when ever I sit down to try and make something happen, whether its art or writing. 

I realize part of it is the social media thing.  Not that I don't enjoy social media or that I spend too much time on it (thought I probably do), but that its making me... feel like everything is useless.  There are too many injustices in the world and too many ways to offend someone.  No matter what anyone says or does, they offend or upset someone.  The hate and anger is ugly and I guess I keep feeling like whatever I do, someone is going to get upset or be offended and so I end up soft-balling things and explaining and trying to make sure whatever my opinion is, that it is as easy to swallow as possible.  Yet still, no matter, I'll get someone telling me I'm wrong or telling me how I should have said it or what have you.  Or even those who feel the need to comment even though, whatever I said or posted has nothing to do with them.

It really takes the wind out of your sail... you know?

I'm also dealing with Depression.  Are you shocked?  I can hear the sound of it through the screen.  No, really.  I heard the gasp all the way here in Nevada.

by Balloons504:
balloons504.deviantart.com/art/Art-Block-358562075

It isn't as bad as it was and I'm obviously a functioning person - I get up early(ish), get dressed, shower, brush my teeth and eat meals.  I've been functioning for years with it.  But I've had a block in my brain.  It set in place, I think about the time I moved out of Jenkintown, PA back to NJ about 4 years ago.  I don't know if the move set it off, because I'd been having trouble doing art before we left PA.  I wonder if it was due to my job situation which was not great due to losing hours at the graphic design place and financially not being able to take care of myself.  My independence was lost in many ways and I know that probably had a lot to do with it.  I haven't really been able to regain my footing since then.  I've thought that maybe that made me feel like doing art was 'frivolous' or wasn't getting anywhere and living off of other peoples' good graces was grating on my pride and soul.  I'm not looking for suggestions by the way, so don't feel obligated to try and give me an answer.  This is just how things have been.  But the block is there and forms itself in a way I have not been able to get around.

It goes like this.  I am reading or watching something and I get an idea to draw in my head.  But before I can lift myself to go do it, the drive is gone.... I can literally feel it drain out of me.  Its almost a physical thing.

Certainly I've done art.  I've done drawings and forced my way through it, thinking, "If I just keep forcing myself, I'll break through this." But it doesn't work.  I want to work as a character designer and I have taken the classes and I can feel myself get wound up and push through to do the work I have been assigned, but after?  Its like a car running on empty. The desire is there...  I want it.  I drove 4 hours to L.A. and back in a day, coming home at 3 a.m. for it!

I do know if I had a job I would do well at it.  When its for others, an assignment or a job, I'm there and I work hard and I do good work.  I take instruction and I make adjustments.  I'm a damn good employee. 

But on my own?  I feel lost.

Again, no need for advice here... just sharing this.  Unless you have a job or know of one of course.

So... yeah... I've known I've had to do something, so while going through things (because my room is a mess of boxes still from the move) I found "No Plot? No Problem!" by Chris Baty (this is the guy who started National Novel Writing Month) and is a 'novel-writing kit'.  I figured, being jobless still and not taking classes for this session, perhaps I should try doing that?  So, that's what I'm doing.

I drew something!  Go me! :D

And a few days ago, I picked up a sketch book and drew something.  There was no drain or anything, I just sat down and did it.  It was... a really good feeling... and I hadn't even started the writing sessions yet!  It was like something had broken through.  Maybe it was that I was doing something... anything... 

Today is the first day I'm doing this novel-writing.  I'll try to keep up to date on my weekly progress and maybe it will encourage me to write more on the blog, or just draw more... Just do something.    But this time no promises, no announcement that I'm REALLY gonna blog this time.  It may happen, it may not.  I'm going to be focusing on the novel writing.  I'll try to post segments and progress and adventures and all that, but maybe I'll keep it low-key.  We'll see how this goes. 

Just for fun though, here is a little segment from today's writing:

"After the standard, first thing in the morning pee, she remained sitting on the toilet, feeling like she could just sit there for a while and be perfectly happy - the upside of the small heater in the bathroom was a warm butt seat.  But of course the voice of her father saying something about getting hemorrhoids if you sat on the toilet too long always kept her from lingering.  The exception to this was when she was reading; there was no way she was going to give up reading in the bathroom. Not because she had some personal mission about it, but because, well, some days it wasn't a quick visit and then what were you going to do?  How many times can you read the back of a shampoo bottle?"

Its not meant to be perfect.  The process is just to keep writing and have hit a goal of a certain amount of words every day and that's what I'm doing... Just writing. 

I would love to hear some words of encouragement and just so you know, I can see who has read this and I'll be taking note in the future to see who to exclude from my will when I'm a rich and famous author.  You've been fairly warned.