Moving and moving forward

As most of you know, I am moving next month to Las Vegas and will be commuting once a week to L.A. for a class at the Red Engine School.  If you've been following my blog you'll know that it was a long process to come to the decision to move and it wasn't taken on lightly.  For about a year I've been weighing my options and trying to figure out a way to make everything I wanted work together.  Trust me, this was no over night decision here.

The prospect of moving is always exciting.  There are new things waiting, a whole sort of clean slate kind of feeling to look forward to.  I can't wait to see our new apartment, our new neighborhood, to smell the new air and feel a different sun shining down on me (sunshine feels different in different places to me).  I am looking forward to my classes and what I'll be learning.  I know I do my best when I am in a structured environment rather than on my own and this is stuff I'll want to learn. 

Of course there is the other side of this:  The nerve-wracking, scary, stressful side.  Its the packing and planning and lifting and worry.  The cost, the labor, the cars, the pain, the dog, the physical, the unpacking, the leaving...  The leaving... again.

I am a nester - meaning that I get comfortable just about where ever I am.  Whether its been the house in New Jersey, the apartment in New York City, or my first place on my own in Pennsylvania, I settled in and settled down and into the area I was in.  I was a regular at places, enough so that people knew my face, my 'usual orders' or my name.  People waved to me and asked me about how my day was, how my dog was doing and how work was going.  Moving to Las Vegas won't change that.  I'll get my nest settled and will get comfortable for the time I am there - of this, I'm pretty sure of.

Image does not actually represent me... But something like this.

I have been blessed with meeting a lot of amazing people.  The friends who I still consider my closest and dearest were made in college (This isn't a knock against the friends I made before or after this time - but the feelings of friendship during college are different, perhaps because we are all facing the gauntlet of challenges as we pass from child to adult).  Moving from New York back to New Jersey wasn't terrible because I was still able to see my friends frequently enough, though I missed hopping on a subway and riding right out to them or having them drop by my apartment.  Then I moved to Pennsylvania and the distance was greater, but still, I was able to see them.  During my time in PA, I met some more people when I worked at Barnes & Nobles there - great people who made me realize I could make more friends than the close group of ones I had previously.  Then I moved again and had to leave those people behind.  I moved here to Kansas and made more friends...  More people I enjoyed being with and was feeling rather grateful to meet.  Then of course, are all the friends I have made by going to conventions over the years!

Usually my friends are more active than this.

See?  Full of action packed action!

Lots of action happening...

Bubble blowing is action!

B&N Willowgrove: You'd buy books from these people... right?

B&N Overland Park: In person they do not have demon eyes.

Add to all that my brother and his family who live here in Kansas.  In the few years I have been here, I have been very blessed to get to know five amazing kids better.  I've watched my niece grow into a really awesome young lady and I can't wait to see the woman she will become.  My two older nephews seemed to change from boys to young men overnight - scary but incredible.  The third nephew is growing into his own, becoming his own person with a great sense of humor.  And of course there is the youngest...  I met him as a baby and now he is a little boy who is just as magical and beautiful as can be.  I've reconnected with my brother in a way that I don't think would have happened if I hadn't been here.

Now I am moving again and it feels like I am putting more distance between myself and my dear friends in New York, my friends in Pennsylvania, my convention friends, my family and new friends in Kansas.  Sometimes it feels as if I am leaving small pieces of myself behind, ones that I reach for but won't reconnect with.  While things like Facebook are great for keeping in touch, it isn't the same as hanging out at someone's house having coffee or talking till 2 a.m., or going to a bar for a beer and laughing, or going to a movie to share the experience.

I will, of course, do my best to stay in touch, but I know myself enough to know that I will fall short of my desires - life has a way of doing that.  While my intentions are grand, the effort and time and opportunity, may not come together.

Obviously, this move is important to me.  While I dread the moving and relocating and readjusting, I know that I have to do this to achieve my goals.  I know that my friends and family, being the amazing people they are, would not want me to stay if it meant I wouldn't do that.  I don't think any of them would want me to stay back.  So instead of thinking of leaving myself behind, or leaving them, I will try to think of them as waves in the ocean, lifting, raising and pushing me towards the shore where my goals are.

All the blood, sweat and tears are there, but I have to remember that I am not only moving, but moving forward.  We go through the difficulties and the pain to reach the other end, cleansed by the fire so to speak.  With the thoughts and good wishes of my friends and family, I know I can make it through the difficult times and come out the other end, ready and able to take on the challenges:  Able to move forward with the ocean of my loved ones roaring and cheering behind me.  For that I am grateful and it is what I have to keep in mind.  Moving and moving forward doesn't have to mean, leaving and leaving behind.


DISCLAIMER: If I do not have a picture of you up, please don't take offense.  I have TONS of photos of friends and loved ones and this blog would go on forever if I had put them ALL up.  There are many more people not in the pictures who I think of as dear close friends and loved ones.

Boston...

For those that don't know about what happened today at around 2:50 p.m., bombs were set near the Finish Line of the Boston Marathon.  Two detonated.  As of my writing of this, no one has claimed responsibility for the bombing.  I do know the last mile was dedicated to the Newtown shooting victims.

John Tlumacki photo

I watched the coverage till about 5 p.m. my time when it went to local news and programing, but I knew I had to stop soon because I was becoming physically ill.  The illness wasn't from the graphic nature of the footage or blood or anything like that.  I was getting emotionally sick.  The last time that happened was over 10 years ago on September 11th - after watching the news well into the night, weeping and crying, I finally ran into the bathroom and threw up.  Seeing how I was feeling watching the Boston footage, I realized I was going down that road again.  

I know, all too well of the hate and anger that pervades this world.  And I know how that hate transforms into action and that action is almost always in the form of violence.  It makes me wonder if we should exist as a planet - are people worth having exist at all if this is what we do?  I do believe in G-d and I don't know if I can ask him to spare us if this is how we behave...  Are we worthy of saving?  

Then I have to look at the footage a different way.  I have to make myself watch the people and what they are doing.  I have to watch as the people run to help, that thousands of small acts of bravery and heroism are performed faster than the human mind can comprehend.  In the face of this one act of violence, thousands of acts of goodness happen, like a million stars illuminating a dark sky.  

Patton Oswalt wrote today: 

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."

But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.
But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

Who knows what truth will be revealed as the news burrows into the story, finding facts or speculations that they will report at the drop of a hat.  The conspiracy theorists are already weaving their stories, casting blame on the government, or aliens, or Muslims or whatever flavor of the week they are eating.  The nut-jobs will probably say Boston deserved it because of gays, or Jews or interracial marriage or pro-choice activists.  I'm going to be annoyed and angered by what I'll be reading or watching over the next few days, weeks, months and years in regard to this tragedy.  Mostly I'll be saddened.

But at the end of the day, I'm going to remember the helpers.  As Mr. Rogers said: 

The helpers, the heroes big and small all went running towards where the explosions were.  The military, the officers, the volunteers, the runners, the simple people who put aside the thoughts of themselves and the danger they might be in and ran to help those who were hurt and injured.  We have to remember people like those in the bomb squad whose job it is to walk right up to the very thing that could kill them and handle it.  We have to remember the police officers who have to keep calm and run into action with their minds on what procedures they must follow, no matter how scared they might be.  We have to remember the medical staff who keep their heads as victim after victim are rolled in, at the same time as they offer compassion to the scared.  We have to remember the regular people who know, simply, to do the right thing.

While the quote is from a movie, it is so very appropriate,  

"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love." - Gandalph, The Hobbit 

We must hold onto these small acts and nurture them and instill the spark of them in our children.  If we can keep the little lights of kindness and love, we can illuminate the darkness and, I think, be worthy of this world we live in.

For those looking for loved ones, you can go through here: Google Person Finder

If you want to donate blood or figure out how to help the victims, you can go here: Red Cross aid and tips

Don't Miss Out on Etsy Items

First off, I would like to say thank you to everyone for all the wonderful support and kind words regarding my last post and the news of my move.  The outpouring of all that awesome was great!  And it also showed me that people are actually reading this blog - also a boost!

I was going to write about a few other things, but as the move to Las Vegas looms closer and the cost and time that surrounds it is swirling, I realized that I would have to stop doing anything with the Etsy shop I have till after we are settled in the new home.  It would be great to keep going up until the end to see if I could get some help financially (the cost of moving and the classes are still a reality), the time and the draw of attention is something I can't really do.  I need to be focusing on packing things up, including my art and jewelry and not worrying that I'll close up a box and then have to go rummaging to get something out to ship to a buyer.

 I'm letting the prints and book mark posting expire and not renewing them till after May 22nd at least so that they can be packed up in boxes.  The jewelry I will continue to have up till may 1st.  After that, I will shut down the Etsy shop so I can focus on the moving.  That means, any plans you have on checking out my items to buy for Mother's Day or just for yourself need to be purchased before then.  Especially if you have any special requests (like changing earwires to clip-ons). 

Black Victorian Bauble

 Brass Chinese Dragon and Red Bead Necklace

 Red Coral Necklace

Pearl Cascade and Gold Necklace

I've tried to make sure that some nice items for Moms are in my shop, so please check them out!  I'll be posting other things later on, but for now, I hope there are some items you might like to pick up!  Thanks as always and again, thank you for the great support!  You guys are awesome!

Ch-Ch-Changes!

As those of you know who have been following my blog, I have been trying to make some important decisions regarding my future - that future including attending a video game design program.  I waffled a bit... Okay, a lot!  My front runner had been Vancouver Film School (and in a perfect world, perhaps that might have happened and who knows what the future may bring), since it was an all around program, intense though it was, and had a great placement rate with great connections in the industry.  Another school I had been looking at was Gnomon which is located in Los Angeles.  Another great school with great connections and placement rate.  Both were expensive to attend and would require my moving to a new location, so the cost of the school (VFS has an amazing Women in Games scholarship which was the only way I could afford it) would only be part of the problem.  I'd have to pay for moving, transportation and living expenses for at least a year.  At the end, I'd have to hope that I got a job that could pay enough to continue living where ever I was or to move to where the new job was.

The truth was, even with loans and whatever, it seemed a really overwhelming undertaking.

My Mother came up with the idea to ask someone for some advice.  I don't really know many people in the industry who I thought might be able to help and she suggested I contact Walt Simonson.  You might know him as the super talented artist of many comics (including Thor!).

BAM!

I also know him as a funny, intelligent, thoughtful and kind person who is probably one of the best gentlemen to know (as well as amazingly talented), who was my teacher while attending SVA in New York.  So I emailed him, thinking I was just bothering him, but in true Walt fashion, he was as giving and helpful as always.  (I am eternally grateful to the man for many things, this is just another on the list)  He put me in touch with a former student of his named Brandon Perlow.  His company website is here: http://www.newparadigmstudios.com/

Mr. Perlow, who has a lot of experience in the VFX industry and 3D Modeling was kind enough to give me his advice.  One of his pieces of advice was to look for something more specific to what I wanted to do, meaning, looking for a school that focused on pre-production art and design, rather than an overall school that did a little bit of everything.  He also said that committing to a school that required I take out a loan or put myself in debt was probably not the best thing to do since the industry was changing and what they were looking for was good portfolios.  He suggested a few schools and sites for me to look into.

With that in mind, I started checking out the schools...  That is how I came across Red Engine School of Design.  It is located in Los Angeles, but unlike the other schools this one is only one day a week.  On top of that, Red Engine is focused on 2D Entertainment art - pre-production character design, environment and the like.   They have instructors like Steve Jung who worked on the first Thor movie (as well as Tron Legacy and The Avengers).

Concept art for The Destroyer for Thor.

 

 

 

 

 

Jung Park who has worked on different video games, like God of War III and Mortal Combat.

Olympus Cave for God of War III

And those are just the two founders!  For a complete list of instructors you can see it here: Red Engine Studios Faculty

Of course, the issue of me being in Kansas and the school being in California was still there, hovering over my head like that depressed umbrella in the Abilify commercials.

Yeah, kind of like that...

I felt really lost even though I think in my heart I knew what I wanted to do.  Self-doubt is a terrible and insidious thing.  Brandon Perlow's advice was good and I knew it made sense to me, but other voices and advice kept inching in and I felt stuck - afraid of making a mistake.

In the course of weeks, flip-flopping back and forth, still wondering what to do overall, I did contact some people in the Women in Games group - more than a support group for women in the gaming industry, they have events, network and generally try to make the woman's voice louder in an industry that is very male-centric.  Their website is here: Women in Games International  I posted my problem to them, asking for advice, giving them my two choices: Attending VFS for a year with its intense program (if I got the Women in Gaming scholarship) where I would leave with an all around education, or attend Red Engine where I was focusing on what I really wanted to do, for a shorter period and less cost.  Outside of one woman who worked at VFS it was a rather resounding agreement that I should go to the school where I would walk out with a specific portfolio since that is what the Art Directors are looking for. 

I don't know that this needs a caption...

On an aside here: I seem to be drawn into industries that are rather male driven.  First it was Fantasy Illustration - while not an anti-woman arena, it was dominated by male artists and the work was very much 'babes in bikinis' type of stuff.  Then it was comic books (and not much has changed there sadly over the years), where there hadn't been much in the way of women artists and at the time, the independent companies weren't big competition against the big two - Marvel and DC.  While still working on illustration, I became involved in the Anime/Manga world.  When first attending conventions, I was a VERY definite minority in the artist alley (about a 1 to 20 ration of female to male).  Now on to video games where, the female representation is taking a lot of flak for falling back to the sexy female avatar and really, the 'babes in bikini' image.  This is about a 25 year span now and looking back on it all, not much has changed in regards to women in these industries, except for Anime/manga which, if you attend a convention, sometimes finds men in the minority of attendance (including at the artist alley tables).  But that's all a discussion for another time.

My Mother has spoken for many years about moving to Las Vegas; ever since we went there on a vacation.  With my attempting to plan a way to attend a school, she thought that this might be a good time to go.  Talking further with her, I realized that we might have a solution to the situation.  If we both move to Las Vegas, I could commute the one day a week to Las Angeles for my class - not a great thing, but only for a year - this would allow me to work and not have an additional rent in L.A. to deal with.  There were other reasons this would work out for us both and with this in mind, we have moved forward with our plans.  We've both been keeping quiet in general about it, not wanting to tell anyone anything till we were more sure of what we were doing and its why I've been pretty quiet on the blog and such.  Its hard to focus when you have decisions floating about, demanding you figure them out.  But now things are appearing to fall into place.

Today we were informed that the place we wanted was ours and is located in Henderson NV, not far from the Las Vegas Strip.  A day or so ago, we told our employers at Barnes & Nobles that we were giving our notice.  I've already put my down payment on my class at Red Engine and simply have to pay the rest of the tuition.  This is really happening.

The view from our new home....   Um... probably not.

While this is very exciting it is terrifying as well.  Moving again is overwhelming on its own, but we are going somewhere new that we love now and hope we will love living in.  And of course, I am moving further away from the East Coast where so many friends and family dwell and who I miss so much...  And worse, leaving Kansas where my brother and his family live. 

There is no way to know how the pieces are going to fall in this puzzle, but no one has assurances or absolutes.  That's the way of life.  Every choice has good and bad results and we can only hope the good will outweigh the bad.  So here we are...  Changes are happening and I am taking steps closer to the mountain I have to climb to get to where I want to go.