Attempts at New Experiences

As most of you know, I have been going to Los Angeles once a week since I moved to Las Vegas to attend a class at The Red Engine School.  The first couple of times I went to L.A., I drove there in the morning and drove back to Las Vegas that same night, getting home at about 3 a.m. 

My cousin Sue lives in L.A. and we got in touch and we figured it might be better if I spent the night at her place and drive the next day.  What you might not know is that Sue teaches yoga and not just the standard practice on a mat.  She teaches H2yOga!  If you don't know what that is, head over here:
H2yOga

It didn't take much convincing for me to want to take the class since I've been wanting to do yoga for a long time now.  Sue kindly invited me/welcomed me into the classes she had on Friday morning.  Last week was my first classes - yup, not just one, but two classes.  The first was Flows Afloat, which has a focus on connecting breath to movement.  The second class, Detox Aloft, is a bit more rigorous and intensive.  The classes started at 6 a.m. so we had to get up pretty early to get to the facility and that was a little hard on us since we had been up a little late the evening before talking and catching up.  Still, I was very glad I took the classes.  First, it was something good and healthy for me to do and usually you feel good when you do something good for yourself.  Second, I went in with no idea what to expect, so I had no expectations - I could just go in and... experience it.  Which I did.  I was easy on myself for not getting things right away or doing things right.  And while I felt the results of the workout, it wasn't harsh.  We did the class in a heated salt water pool so there was little strain and I can say that the next day, I didn't feel really sore - just a light ache that wasn't a big deal.

If you aren't sure about whether these classes are good and thinking I might be biased, read some reviews on Yelp!

This past week, Sue had added another class to the Friday morning lineup... the new class starting at 5 a.m.  My friends will know that I am not an early riser, nor really a morning person, but I did it!  This added class is a Pre/Post-Natal class - Now wait... before you say anything, you should know that out of the four of us there, only one was actually pregnant.  The class was much easier, working on balance and breathing and retaining a limber aspect to your body.  Its a really great way to start the day...  Of course this moved into the Flows Afloat class and then the Detox Aloft.

It was actually harder this time around - and it wasn't because the classes were harder, but because I was harder on myself.  Granted, I was tired physically - I was doing three classes of physical activity that I hadn't done before and no, I didn't feel it so much consciously (I guess because I was floating in the water) but my body was getting tired even if I wasn't aware of it.  For some reason, because I was doing this all a second time, I expected to do all the moves easily or better and that interrupted my actual ability to do the exercises.  I was tense.  By the third class I was having to stop and relax myself and let things go when they were getting either too difficult to do or I missed a movement that was meant to flow into another.  I had to stand in the water, take a few deep breaths and roll the tension out of my shoulders before trying to get back into the class.  I also forgave myself for not being better - mentally talking to myself to remind me that this was still new to me.

Its funny how hard I am on myself when I feel like I should know what I'm doing.  Its been the same situation with the classes at Red Engine.  Because I know a certain amount of information, I feel like I should be automatically better at what I'm doing.  Granted, my drawings are good and my character stuff is pretty good, but I'm still struggling with other things. 

Re-enactment of actual events

I'm getting frustrated with myself and annoyed, but I'm not being as forgiving as I am in the yoga class.  Perhaps because the yoga is new and doing art isn't, but I realize that I have to remember that this particular form of art is new to me.  It was easy for me to say that I knew I had to readjust some of my thinking when approaching the concept art, but I guess some part of me assumed I would be able to pick it up fast and be able to hit the ground running.  After all, most of my attempts at other forms of art have been fairly successful and not too difficult to pick up.  That just hasn't been the case here.

Just about final version of the character

We reached the 'midterm' this past week and I had a final character and environment.  The character was fine, but the environment image wasn't that successful.  I can honestly say that I was frustrated and annoyed and feeling like I wanted to just give up on the whole thing.  I was hitting that "I AM NEVER GETTING THIS!" moment and feeling that petulant "I don't care!" attitude - I just wanted to walk out. 

But like the yoga, I'm not giving up.  What I have to do, when I hit that wall of frustration, is to stop what I'm doing, get up and take deep breaths, roll my head on my shoulders and release the tension in my neck before jumping back in to try again.  I also have to be more forgiving of myself.  Seems that is always the hardest part.
 

Realities and Priorities

I wish I could fully understand the priorities of people's minds.

We live in a world where the people we trust and elect to create a better country for us to live in, betray that trust and lie, cheat and steal, many times blatantly.  There are mass graves of people being created as I write this and entire villages are being wiped away.  There are rockets being fired and bombs going off.  Innocent people are being killed, seriously injured or having their entire world turned upside down and destroyed in ways in which they will never recover.  People are being arrested for speaking up for human rights - being locked away, tortured, beaten, raped and forgotten: No record of their existence will ever be found.  Children are being lured, tricked, and kidnapped - yanked into the dark to be sold and used till they are no longer useful and then.... discarded.  Homes are being broken into and robbed; not just a physical violation, but for the homeowner, a mental and emotional one.  The sick and bereft are being denied services by Insurance companies; services they had paid for and finding they have no legal recourse so are left dying or in the cold.  Women are being raped and then forced to suffer severe trauma if they dare try to seek justice.  Babies are being beaten, abused and neglected, trained to create a cycle of violence that may never be broken.  In 'civilized' places, people are being beaten to death for something that makes them different, whether it is the color of their skin, the belief they hold or because of the person they choose to love.  And all over the world there are the hungry who quietly die in dark corners of cities and countrysides, wasting away into the shadows.

These are only a handful of the horrors we inflict upon each other.

And yet, with all of that, people believe G-d will weep now because the Supreme Court of the United States of America ruled that a certain group of individuals can now have access to legal rights.

I believe we have given G-d many other reasons to mourn as he looks upon his children.  This small action in this moment of time is not one of them.

Finding My Limitations

I can hear the voices of support saying, "But there are no limitations other than what you place upon yourself."

And I know that.  Deep down.  Deep... deep... deep... deep down.  At the very bottom where the sun doesn't shine.  I know I am only limited by my own mental blocks and fears and frustrations.  I know that and it doesn't make a difference because I have to sit at my desk staring at my computer and wondering "WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?"

Oh how the Modo Chicken mocks me...

What has gotten me to the point of near tears is Modo, a 3D program.  I don't seem to do well with them.  I'm not sure if its just inexperience or that my brain is having a really hard time thinking in 3D after so many years of illustration in 2D.  It may also be that I don't have a lot of desire to do 3D modelling and its kicking in some sort of mental blockade as a form of protest.

Whatever the reason, I am left feeling frustrated and trying over and over to figure out how to make this program work.

Usually when I get to this point, I fly into a frantic rage/breakdown and then figure it all out and move forward, but I don't see that happening.  I've watched videos and each time I think, "Ok... I think I got this," and I sit down to try and work, I'm stymied by the program and trying to work with it and around it to get it to do what I just saw the tutorial do.  It could be I have some setting in Modo that prevents me from having it function the way I want, but since I don't know what THAT is, I can't fix it or adjust it. 

Reenactment of actual events

I missed one class at Red Engine and of course, that was the Modo class and it seems that the others are getting it to work.  Even with the tutorial overview we had last week, I'm still not getting this.  It makes me more frustrated that I see others who are just as new to the program as I am, progressing while I slam my head against the wall. 

Add to that the worries I carry anyway and it leaves me feeling rather useless.  Yes, I know that I am good at many things and I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me...  but you know that sometimes, it doesn't matter what you are good at, since you aren't good at the thing you are trying.  I'd say this is a weight that creative people carry as a burden, but I believe that it is something all people carry as they step along their paths.  Its why some people don't try new things or new experiences and remain focused on the one or few things they know they can do. 

Perhaps it isn't giving up, but realizing your limitations and being ok with it?  Or maybe it is just giving up and giving in?  I don't know. 

In the end it doesn't matter right now, because I'm going to continue to try and make this work and maybe I'll break through and maybe I won't.  I am taking this class to get to do something that I really want and so I'm going to keep working at this.  And no one do that "There is no try..." quote from Yoda.

Trying Something New

I mentioned in my last post that I had attended a family get-together a week ago (family reunion sounds so official).  I had a great time and reconnected with people I love and miss...  It was a reminder that they are really great individuals who I am honored to know and lucky to be related to.  There were a few bumpy moments of course, but that's to be expected when family gets together - we are family after all.  Over all though, it was a great time and I'm so happy I was able to go.

While I was there, my aunt was giving away bracelets she had made because she was no longer going to be making them anymore.  There were some real beautiful ones and I chose a few for myself.  During our time together, I asked her to show me how she made them and she kindly did, as well as giving me some of the supplies she was no longer using.  I was inspired to use the process but include my own twist and so after finding a bead store called Bead Jungle, I picked up a few more things I needed.

I got home and started messing around and I'm pretty happy with how they came out.  I still have some fiddling to do, but I think these are cool and certainly something people will like.

The first one I made was still following more of my Steampunk work:

The second one, I was thinking of more for a man if he wished.  Its more simple, but certainly I don't think that it would be odd for a woman to wear if she wished.

Like I said, more simple.  Both will be put up for sale on my Etsy shop to purchase and there will be more coming along.  In the future, I will also be adjusting my shop for more categories so it will be easier to find specific items such as necklaces, earrings and now bracelets.   For now, please be sure to check out my work at Stormwolf Studios on Etsy!

So what do you think?

Return of Etsy!

Yup, I am returning to Etsy - well, to be honest, I never left.  I simply 'shut down' my Etsy site while I was busy moving across country and trying to acclimate to life here in Las Vegas.  I would have done this sooner, but we also had a wonderful family reunion gathering in Toledo, OH, hosted by my 'big sister' and her amazing family.

But things have calmed a bit and if I'm going to be completely honest, the money from selling jewelry would be really very helpful right now.  So, I'm opening the shop up and will get back to posting something new everyday and possibly some new items that aren't from my inventory.  But I'll talk about that another time.

If you want to check out my Etsy site now, you can do so: Stormwolf Studios: Art, jewelry and more!

I will try to also post more to the blog because I do enjoy writing.  As another 'big sister' of mine pointed out, it would be a wonderful idea for me to do more of it.  Its something that has bubbled in the back of my mind from time to time and yes, I have thought about writing an actual book, but of course, the plot eludes me even though I have many ideas that pop in and out.  Perhaps it will happen one day, perhaps not.  Till that ever happens, I am going to start writing more.  I do have a lot of thoughts and things that I would like to share with people and I have this Blog, so why not use it?

My Red Engine classes are moving along and I'm finding it a lot harder than I thought it would be.  Part of it, or perhaps a lot of it, is working on the computer to create my art.  Yes, I've done that before, but never in such a concentrated manner.  And I'm not as fast as I would like to be with it.  Also, I realized that when I worked traditionally, I was more physical about it.  I didn't stay sitting at a desk staring at it - I was standing sometimes, leaning over it, walking around the piece, getting close, moving further away before coming back in to make a change.  That process doesn't translate well working on a computer.  Also, my wacom is to the right of my screen, another thing to get used to because I feel a sense of disconnect from the image I am trying to create and my hand.  Perhaps one day I will be able to afford a fancy computer tablet thingy where I can draw right on the screen, but that isn't happening anytime soon.  Add to that, the fact we are also doing some work in Modo, a 3D program and I am running uphill some more.  Its a lot to take in and we are now reaching our 'mid-term' so to speak with session 6 happening this week.

Our assignments were an environmental design and a character design.  We had to do 9 of each in basic grayscale for the environments and mostly silhouette for the character.  The characters were a lot easier for me than the environments (in fact, I had to do the environments over again...).  

Once we were ok on this part, we had to choose 3 environments to do a more painterly study of and 3 character designs to develop.  I won't show all of them, just the ones that I think I'm moving forward on (still not sure). 

Its supposed to be a forest but the feeling of the game I'm sort of creating these for is Industrial, so I'm trying to create an 'industrial feel' to something that is meant to be organic.  On top of that, I have to use Modo to create a 3D environment and then paint in Photoshop on top of that.

And here is the character.  One of the things I was told was that it is hard for players to connect to a main character if they don't have any sense of their 'humanity' so I lost the full helmet to reveal more of her.  Which was nice because I really like the hair. 

I have to develop these further into more final images.  We aren't going to be doing them in color, just the grayscale.

So... that's where things are right now.  I'll be working on more stuff, both for my classes and jewelry.  And of course, trying to blog more because I find myself coming up with things to write more and more as my mind moves forward. 

Another reminder: The Etsy shop is open so go check it out!: Stormwolf Studios Etsy shop!