Finding My Limitations

I can hear the voices of support saying, "But there are no limitations other than what you place upon yourself."

And I know that.  Deep down.  Deep... deep... deep... deep down.  At the very bottom where the sun doesn't shine.  I know I am only limited by my own mental blocks and fears and frustrations.  I know that and it doesn't make a difference because I have to sit at my desk staring at my computer and wondering "WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?"

Oh how the Modo Chicken mocks me...

What has gotten me to the point of near tears is Modo, a 3D program.  I don't seem to do well with them.  I'm not sure if its just inexperience or that my brain is having a really hard time thinking in 3D after so many years of illustration in 2D.  It may also be that I don't have a lot of desire to do 3D modelling and its kicking in some sort of mental blockade as a form of protest.

Whatever the reason, I am left feeling frustrated and trying over and over to figure out how to make this program work.

Usually when I get to this point, I fly into a frantic rage/breakdown and then figure it all out and move forward, but I don't see that happening.  I've watched videos and each time I think, "Ok... I think I got this," and I sit down to try and work, I'm stymied by the program and trying to work with it and around it to get it to do what I just saw the tutorial do.  It could be I have some setting in Modo that prevents me from having it function the way I want, but since I don't know what THAT is, I can't fix it or adjust it. 

Reenactment of actual events

I missed one class at Red Engine and of course, that was the Modo class and it seems that the others are getting it to work.  Even with the tutorial overview we had last week, I'm still not getting this.  It makes me more frustrated that I see others who are just as new to the program as I am, progressing while I slam my head against the wall. 

Add to that the worries I carry anyway and it leaves me feeling rather useless.  Yes, I know that I am good at many things and I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me...  but you know that sometimes, it doesn't matter what you are good at, since you aren't good at the thing you are trying.  I'd say this is a weight that creative people carry as a burden, but I believe that it is something all people carry as they step along their paths.  Its why some people don't try new things or new experiences and remain focused on the one or few things they know they can do. 

Perhaps it isn't giving up, but realizing your limitations and being ok with it?  Or maybe it is just giving up and giving in?  I don't know. 

In the end it doesn't matter right now, because I'm going to continue to try and make this work and maybe I'll break through and maybe I won't.  I am taking this class to get to do something that I really want and so I'm going to keep working at this.  And no one do that "There is no try..." quote from Yoda.