Putting on the Big Girl Pants

I did it.

I made it through my first Session at the Red Engine school and finished Intro to Entertainment Design.  The 12 weeks are done and I am left with that strange happy/sad feeling.  Admittedly, there was more to the whole thing than just the classes - though that was the reason for the 4 hour drive to L.A. from Las Vegas.  My cousin lives in L.A. and I was able to visit with her and got to do her H2yOga sessions.

One of the sights on my drive to L.A.

My cousin Sue and I were very close when we were young, being only a year apart and much younger in age than our other cousins.  I remember many of the sleepovers at my grandparent's home, visits to her house and holidays, making up stories, and having our own epic adventures.  As we got older, the distance between us seemed to grow and when we started college we didn't stay in touch.  Being able to reconnect now has been a blessing, to say the least.

The classes have been a challenge for me.  Its been a new way of thinking when approaching my art and a new way of working.  I know I mentioned it before, but everything took longer than I thought it would.  I have been taking my first steps into knowing what I have to learn and what I have to perfect as I go towards this new career path.  During the class, I have wondered if I had any skill for concept art.  I was nervous about asking and really, just wanted to focus on the work I was doing.

Thursday was my last class and we had some guest speakers.  One of them ended up doing a critique of our work and I have to say, I was pretty happy with what he said.  Overall, he liked what I was doing and gave me some good advice.  He liked it so much he said that he hoped that I continue working on the project because he wanted to see what  I would do with it.  When I asked my teacher if I had the talent and/or skill for this type of work and he said I did, which definitely gave me an internal boost.

Giving my presentation on Saturday

On Saturday, we had a review session where all the classes presented their work from the 12 weeks.  It was nerve-wracking to think about showing my work when we ended up showing after the advanced class or even the intermediate class.  In the end, it went very well though.  The other instructors again had positive words for me and even better, said that my work was unique and they hadn't seen it before (in a good way).  My instructor Zach spoke on my behalf, telling the others how well I had done in class and mentioned my coming in once a week from Las Vegas - which drew gasps of disbelief, but also showed my dedication.  Walking out that afternoon with Sue, who I was glad was there to see the presentation, I was feeling pretty good about where I was and where I was going.

Giving my presentation on Saturday

For those wondering about the project, I am working on the concept art for a video game based on a Scottish ballad titled Tam Lin.  The ballad is interesting enough, but more so because the female character is the one who must save the male character.  The setting for the game is a future world that is sort of post-apocalyptic so everything will have an industrial feel.  Magic is cyclical and it has come around again - unfortunately the Earth is poisoned and half dead so the magic is warped.  Janet is the main character and I wanted a female character that both men and women would want to play.  She is strong, capable and smart.  The beasts that Janet faces are all warped by magic and the industrial world.

Janet concept art

Red Forest concept art

Cave Exterior concept art

Bear concept art

I'm going to continue working on this.  I know that normally with concept art, there is usually more than one artist working on things and there are hundreds of concepts drawn and worked on till the final is decided on.  Time and ability kept me moving a bit faster towards a finished product.  I'm excited to see how I develop the world and the characters and will continue working on and maybe, one day, it can become a real game.

So after all of that...

When I started school, I had began applying to jobs - mostly connected to the gaming industry since that's where I wanted to work.  There are more than a few places in Las Vegas where I'm located right now so it wasn't out of left field that I might be able to find something.  Unfortunately, that hasn't come through and I find myself facing another possible 12 week session at Red Engine without incoming money.

I'll admit, I didn't take into account the cost of gas and food when I went into the idea of attending Red Engine and that was a mistake on my part.  So entering the next session, I'm left trying to figure out how to have more income coming in so its not all going out.  That has partly meant that I have not invested in more materials for jewelry as the Etsy store has not been financially successful.  My hope had been that it would provide enough income so that I wouldn't have to go out to get a job to help support myself: That hasn't been the case.  This leaves me with having to look at a real job, but mostly likely something like Target, or Petco.  Its not the ideal but I can't shy away from hard work to get to where I want to go.

Now Ashton Kutcher has never been my go to guy for inspiring, intelligent and meaningful ideas.  He wasn't even an actor I enjoyed watching all that much or respected.  That changed after watching the video below as he gave a very meaningful speech at the Kid's Choice Awards.  Definitely worth watching:



I'm going to try and build the life I want, not just live it and I'm not better than any job.  Its going to be hard - the travel to and from L.A. was draining - but in the end, I have to believe it is worth it.  I have to believe this isn't a mistake or that I'm screwing up again or that I'm not good enough.  The fears I have that make me over-think and worry and stress have to be ignored.  Its time, once again, to put on the big girl pants...