Las Vegas at Last...

Its been awhile - a long one I know - since I've been active online.  I'm just getting back in the swing of things and with all the rest of my life, so I apologize for the silence on my end.  As I'm sure many of you know, I've moved from Kansas to Nevada - specifically Las Vegas, NV. 

Loki wondering where all our things have gone.

Packing up the house was a long process and if you've moved, you understand the special hell that is.  I did start out being very specific about what was going into what box; you know, trying to be organized about it.  By the end though I was like, "Just put it in a box." What started out as being worried about the weight of the box ended up being "Whatever, its in there, tape it up."  Poor Loki was rather confused and grew more and more nervous about the whole thing, but there was little I could do to comfort her, except try and assure her and keep to our standard schedule.  I also tried to keep her things right where they were.  The guys we hired to load the truck we were renting came and loaded all our stuff in about 3 hours, which was great - initially.  More on that later.  Due to timing, we ended up spending the night in our empty apartment so we could drive out in the morning, which confused Loki further.

Still, she managed to make herself quite comfortable with the blanket I was going to use to sleep on the floor with.

I can assure you that she made that nest herself from a comforter that had been laid out flat on the floor and that we had nothing to do with it, other than laughing after she was done.  Of course, after all of that hard work she ended up sleeping somewhere else.

Yes, THIS is much more comfortable.

The next morning we got up and continued cleaning up the apartment while packing up the last few items into Mom's car and my car.  My car was going to get hitched to the back of the 22 foot truck that my brother was going to drive for us to Las Vegas.  I was in a sort of weird place of being tired and energized at the same time.  We didn't leave at the exact time we wanted, but we dropped off our keys to the old place and then as my brother went his way, we went ours. 

Road out of Kansas

Now, I'll point out that I am an intelligent human being, but for some reason, my brain wasn't working well on this trip.  Had we sat and talked about it, we probably would have done a caravan with the truck along the Southern route which would have avoided the mountains - which the truck would have had a hell of a time getting through.  I would have also made sure that my brother had the keys to my car that he was pulling behind the truck.  Neither of these things happened.  We went the Northern route which was supposed to be faster and he went the Southern route.  I believe some of the thinking was that my brother was planning on pushing through and not stopping and we weren't going to do that.  To possibly get there ahead of him, we were going the other, shorter route.  I think that was the reasoning.

Rain in the distance...

The drive itself wasn't too bad, just long.  We did hit just about EVERY weather front as we drove to the West.  We got rain on and off as we headed towards Colorado (where we planned to stop the first day) as well as high winds.  In the mountains, we got snow - yes it was snowing a lot, not just a few flurries and some picturesque views of white.  I think there was even hail and sleet a few times mixed in for good measure.  I was glad when we got  on the other side of it. 

It was during this first day that we realized that we had miscalculated on how we should have handled the driving and all.  Now, my brother, the amazing, beautiful and giving man that he is (and that is said with no sarcasm - I mean every word), will tell you that none of what happened was a big deal, but on our side, it was panic and worry. 

While driving along, I got a call from my sister-in-law.  It had been a mistake on the dialing as she'd meant to call a cousin, but while she had me on the phone she told me that my brother ran out of gas and was stuck on the side of the road and he was hitchhiking.  At this point she also mentioned that he didn't have the keys to my car which might have helped because he could have backed it off the trailer and driven for gas somewhere.  We were driving through some rain at the time so we had images of my poor brother, soaked to the bone, hitchhiking on some highway somewhere in the middle of nowhere.  I tried to call him and text him to see what was going on and if he was all right.  We were prepared to turn somewhere and get down to him.  Time passed and as it did, the worry grew and grew.  I was praying to G-d he was okay and making deals with him and my Father to watch over him and get him safely home to his family. 

Finally, he called and was in good humor, though we were just about frantic by that time.  I thank G-d and my Father that a kind-hearted person picked him up and helped him out - not only taking him to get gas, but taking him back to the truck as well.  He was fine and all was well.  I can only hope my sister-in-law will forgive us for causing any worry on her part.  I know we wanted an adventure, but sometimes, the real thing and the imagined thing are miles apart.

The second day of driving was actually pretty amazing for no other reason than the gorgeous vistas we were treated to.  I have to admit that I was a bit emotional about it (or it was the 5-Hour energy drink, I can't be sure entirely).  Every mile or so was another view, another amazing sight of nature.  The rock formations changed from red to yellow and sometimes even green!  I can't describe it and I took as many pictures as I could and I'm hoping one day to be able to do that drive again so I can stop and take better photos (a moving car isn't the best way to photograph things).

I will say this: Anyone who has wondered why we should bother saving the environment or respecting nature should take this drive and see how absolutely amazing and beautiful the world can be.  It is awe-inspiring and blessed and we should respect what we have been given. 

It saddens me that for many, all they can see is a place to build a shopping center.

By the time we pulled into Las Vegas, I think we were all tired and the sun was setting.  Mom and I got a weird case of the giggles, realizing that we were actually doing it: We were moving and going to be living in Las Vegas. 

The place itself is very nice.  It has a high ceiling and a little porch and a nice sized kitchen.  The bathrooms are huge - like almost the size of a small bedroom.  We have a corner fireplace and central air along with a dishwasher and washer/dryer.  The cost is only a little more than what we were paying in Kansas and gas prices are about the same as well, so if anyone was curious, cost of living isn't bad here. 

We do have a view of the strip from our porch, though its not like its so amazing as to be  postcard picture - still, it is very cool.

View from our porch of the Las Vegas Strip!

We are about 10-15 minutes from the airport, which is also pretty convenient and there are places to shop for food and plenty of restaurants all over.  Its a very nice area and I don't think we could have done better if we tried - so big thanks to my cousin's girlfriend who found this place for us and met us with the keys!  Right now, we'll be here for a year as per the lease, but we'll see what happens after that.

Now, referring back to the guys who loaded the truck in 3 hours.  First, I will say, we were more concerned with getting things on the truck because we had so much, so we were at fault for how we told them to get things on.  We told them to get furniture on first then directed them to load on the boxes and then stuff in storage.  

When we got the gentlemen here in Las Vegas to unload the truck, we were given a rather unpleasant surprise.  See, the guys in Kansas basically just tossed everything in.  They put boxes on furniture, didn't bother stacking things right or putting things properly on.  We were just so grateful they fit everything, we didn't bother thinking about how it was on.  This led to us losing Mom's desk whose legs got broken.  We lost my bed stand which lost a leg as well and a few other things got damaged.  This also meant that the 2 guys unloading the truck had to take a longer time unloading because they had to be careful about how they removed things - if they weren't then everything would fall out or collapse.  Just a warning - be aware of what people you hire are doing with your things when they load it on a truck.  Lesson learned.

Anyway - I had a day to unpack and do some laundry as much as possible and then I had my first day of class at the Red Engine School in Los Angeles.  At the advice of my cousin, I tried to leave at noon though ended up leaving at 1 p.m. to drive out there.  There is no question that the drive is about 4 hours and change.  A lovely friend at work contacted her daughter-in-law who used to do the commute for some alternate and possibly faster routes, though the time was still about the same.  The first time going out, I relied on my GPS only to get me there and tried to see how it would go. 

It was a pretty boring drive - most of it being on Route 15 which takes you through desert.  I passed the Mojave and Death Valley.  Also, there is a road called Zzyzx Road.  So, avoid that because obviously that is where The Drow hang out. 

Getting into L.A. itself was nerve-wracking.  I don't know if you've ever driven in Los Angeles but you shouldn't do that to yourself if you can avoid it.  You should like yourself enough to not put yourself through that.  It gets a bit hairy in a few places and I was thankful to get off the highway (specifically Highway 10).  I found myself in Korea town and managed to get a parking space in the lot near the school.  I found The Red Engine school and decided that since it was about 5 p.m. and class didn't start till 7:30, I would go get some food.  At the corner was a lovely place called The Loft Cafe.  Its was rather charming inside to be honest. 

After hanging out there for a while, till about 7, I left and headed to the school.  Inside was not exactly what I was expecting to be honest.  I had been to schools like Gnomon and VFS that had large computer class rooms set up in a way so you faced the front or towards your teacher.  Because this was a converted store front, the tables were against the walls of the long thin lower floor.  There was a large monitor at the back which was to be used to show whatever the instructor was doing to the students.  Stairs lead to an upper floor, but I'm not sure what was up there and offices were in the back.  We brought our own laptops as instructed so there was only the instructor's computer in there. 

The front door apparently locks when it is closed, so during class, there were, what I felt, frequent interruptions as someone had to get up and let in whoever was outside.  To get in, people then walked through our 'classroom' so there were individuals going back and forth.  There were also people going up and down the stairs and some of the office staff were a bit loud while talking.  I felt annoyed about that because there we were, in a class, and it wasn't like it was a surprise that we were sitting there.  I'm hoping next week that the interruptions and such are a lot less. 

The first class was more about introductions.  The instructors Zach and Gabe are both professional artists in the entertainment industry.  Both have worked on video games and on movies and production, so they have a lot of experience.  Both also worked for Rhythm & Hues and I had asked them about the current situation in the VFX industry.  They agreed that was a long discussion that could take a whole class, but they did say simply that the industry is changing.  Not that it was bad, but things are changing and it doesn't mean that its going to go away - just that it is going to be different.  How different remains to be seen.

Each person in class introduced themselves and when we got to me, I told them I was living in Las Vegas and commuting once a week for the class.  This garnered me some "Are you serious?" from the other students but both Zach and Gabe said "That's some dedication."  I think overall they thought I was crazy. 

The classes are going to be more personalized than they have been in the past, with the instructors working with us as individuals on individual projects, focusing on things they felt would help with our end goals.  Then we went over our first homework which was actually a three part assignment.  The first part was to take movie stills or images from artists (dead ones), putting them in grayscale, then recreating them in Photoshop using 5 point grayscale with white and black being 2 of the levels.  The second part was to come up with a pitch synopsis of the project we want to work on and this would lead to creating 3 reference pieces.  We had to collect reference images for 3 different aspects of our project: Mood, First Character and First Environment.

Grayscale study  - Photo on top, my interpretation on bottom.

Mood Reference

Having not done homework in a long time and still being in the middle of unpacking, it was a bit of a struggle to get to everything.  I have done all my homework thank you very much - but I feel a bit pulled.  I still have a lot of unpacking to do, as well as start looking for a job.  It will be a challenge to get this all worked out, but I am looking forward to my second day of class!

So, that's about all in a very broad sense.  Once more stuff is put away and I can access more things, I'll get my Etsy shop back up and running.  There will be jewelry of course and my prints back up for sale.  I don't know if I'll be making more new stuff right away as time is constricted, but I will definitely keep you all up to date with classes and try to share my progress along the way. 

Thank you for the support of friends and family!  I appreciate all the kind words and encouragement from all of you and will endeavor to do my very best if not better!

How to Be A Con Artist Part I

Not long ago a con friend of mine (and sort of former student of mine) recommended that I post the information I shared in a class I held at conventions on 'how to be a convention artist'.  The class was pretty popular and I enjoyed teaching it because I had felt there were a lot of young people jumping into the artist alley and were sort of floundering.

Before I get too into the information, allow me to sort of introduce myself (if you don't already know me).  My name is Georgia Horesh and my company is Stormwolf Studios.  I graduated with a BA in illustration/cartooning from The School of Visual Arts.  The first convention I attended was Otakon in 1995.  I basically hitched a ride with some people I knew and ended up in the middle of nowhere, where the convention was being held.  And I believe I was only 1 of 5 or 7 girls that were attending.  The following year, I went with some friends who had a fanzine titled Phantasy Flight and it was there at that point that I began trying to sell copies of art I had done, at the table. 

For many young artists going to conventions now, you should know, they weren't the same back then.  Without getting into war stories I can tell you the following: There weren't many anime conventions, the artist alleys were almost all 'first come first serve' and usually set in a hall somewhere in the hotel, there were almost zero to none girls sitting at tables drawing and there were no 'professional' prints or toys or crafted items.

My table at Otakon 1998

When you got to the convention, you had to get up stupid early to grab a table where the artist alley was being held (and it was usually made up of whatever tables the convention could get from the hotel staff and chairs) and you did NOT leave till late into the night.  If you left, your table was going to be grabbed by someone else.  We sat with our prismacolor markers and did commissions for the most part and for low low prices.  By the time I got involved in the artist alley, many of the guys there already knew each other from the convention circuits.  I was one of the few who started selling Kinko copies of my art and most of the work was commissioned pieces; And it was almost all traditional hand done art.

Over time, more women came into the artist alley and more prints and copies came in.  The conventions took a long time to accept the artist alley as a legitimate and worthwhile aspect of the weekend.  It really was the unwanted step-child most times.  You had to rely more on the Art Show and selling pieces there than people walking through the artist alley and buying your stuff.  The reasons most of the artists were there in the Alley weren't many.  They boiled down to: wanting to network with other artists, hanging with friends, improving their artwork and skill, and to make some money.  Making money was either for themselves as a job or to simply have money to go into the Dealer's room to buy stuff.  (I think most money went to the Dealer's Room)

Otakon 2000

I attended conventions like Otakon, Katuscon, Nekocon, and other smaller anime cons.  I also attended Dragon*Con, Balticon, San Diego Comic-Con and other non-anime cons.  So I did have a view of different types of conventions.  Also, I was able to gain a different perspective on the artists that attended these different conventions.  Those that had a table at Dragon*Con were not the same type that would get a table at Otakon.  Most of the non-anime conventions stayed the same over the years, though the buyer's market shrank as the economy suffered.  Anime conventions though, went through a larger change that most attendees probably weren't even aware of.

Artist Alleys started charging for tables, initially to help out artists who were tired of having to stake a claim all day on a spot - many who ran the artist alleys were artists themselves who understood what their friends were going through; and we were all friends.  We all knew each other.  What this did was help make the Alley a more legitimate place and the convention made a bit of money from selling table space - like the Dealer's Room.  The number of artists that began wanting tables grew and so did the Artist Alley.  More girls began setting up shop and the tables started being just that; a shop. Over time, it wasn't just drawn art that was being sold, but t-shirts, key chains, cups, jewelry, hats and costume pieces, along with clothes for dolls and more.

Katsucon 2000

Some convention staff handled the changes better than others.  There was often friction between artists and staff as table placement or space was brought into question.  Then there was content allowances that had to be followed as some conventions didn't want too much fan art (I'll talk more about fan art in another post), or what was considered craft compared to what was considered art.  Remember, many con-staff were people who remembered the hand drawn artwork of years before and didn't want that overshadowed in the Artist Alley by items that were mass produced.  In fact, some convention Artist Alleys would not allow some artists to show their work if there was too much mass produced items and would direct them to the Dealer's Room.

That was just in the Artist Alley - changes were happening at the conventions too.  During the late 90's there was a boom of anime and manga in the United States.  Part of it is thanks to Cartoon Network.  The other thanks is to stores like Barnes & Nobles who started carrying manga on their shelves.  See, previous to that, the ONLY place you could get manga and anime was at the conventions in the Dealer's Room - and most of that was probably illegal to be honest (though some cons were more careful about that sort of thing than others).  People came to the cons to get all the latest stuff (and keep in mind, the web was still new to most and not widespread AND there were no downloads to be had), see the newest animes and buy all the dolls, posters and cells they could afford.  It was the only way you could.

Katscon 2001

When all things Japanese became cool here in the U.S. that changed the market.  While it expanded the convention attendance numbers, it also expanded the market of buyers in the artist alley.  There was a boom of sorts for us artists.  Most attendees were young people with money to burn.  Yes, there were many who said they had just 'spent all their money in the Dealer's Room' or didn't even know about the Artist Alley,  yet there were still enough to buy art or get a commission done.

Of course, all booms burst don't they?

With the economy falling apart in the mid-2000's, the amount of money being able to be spread around began to dry up.  People stopped buying stuff in the Dealer's Room or ordering manga and anime through the companies legitimately distributing them and got those through web piracy instead.  There was less money to be made in selling items people could easily get by surfing the internet for a free copy.  While I was going and doing well, over time, my ability to cover my cost for attending a convention began to get compromised.  I had to cut back on the cons I was going to because if I couldn't guarantee making my money back, there was just no way I could go.

Then my personal life changed. 

Due to money and moving, I haven't been to a con in the last 3 or 4 years.  I know now that women in the Artist Alley are either even in number or outnumber the men.  I take some pride in knowing that, I was one of the pioneers in there...  Perhaps I helped make other girls feel more comfortable setting up their tables, or inspired another young artist to try and compete with the boys.  The downside of course was that I created my competition in the end, but hey, that's how it goes right? 

I am hoping to start attending cons again when I resettle on the East Coast.  I know Otakon is going to have a convention in Las Vegas so that might be where I start once more.  Who knows.

NekoCon 2007 or 2008. Courtesy of Deirdre MeClintock

I do know I miss my friends from the conventions.  I miss trading sketchbooks and drawing for fun in them, laughing with other artists, inspiring each other, doing the grind of commissions.  I miss talking to attendees or seeing their face light up when they see something on my table that they love.  I miss drinking way too much coffee and staying up much later than necessary (the hour of 'stupid-o'clock) working on commissions I was determined to get done for the next day.  I miss the feeling I got when I sold my work to someone, or when they would just look through my portfolio and like what I did.  I miss the actual drawing too; the way my brain had to come up with something for a commission or a new piece of art to put in the Art Show.

Perhaps that chapter of my life is done as I start the new one, or perhaps it can be part of it.  I'll have to wait and see.

But that ends this first part - I wanted you to get a sense of my history in the Artist Alley and where I am coming from before getting into anything.  Next post will be more specific information for you guys.

See part II here: How To Be A Con Artist Part II

Spring might have sprung...?

Two days in a row of nice weather does not a change in seasons make and I am hesitant to trust this when I've heard the temperatures are due to drop again and some snow might fall somewhere.  Winter has got a death grip on this year. 

Buds on the tree behind the yard of our apartment. 

It is a little bit poetic.

I'll be moving in a few short weeks to Las Vegas and starting a new career path, and while that's great, there is a part of me that is loathe to the change.  I suppose its normal.  We get comfortable with what we know, what's familiar - not that there is anything wrong with that.  Here in Kansas I have my brother and his family who I love dearly; I have some good friends I really like and a job that I usually enjoy.  I know my way around the area - how to get to places I like and want to go to.  There are museums, theaters (stage and movie versions), shopping and a home.  All of it is now familiar to me and I hate to say goodbye to all of it.

Loki with her Spring haircut and finery!

But I'm still moving forward.  I'm letting go of the familiar to move to the new: New place, new people and new career.  And luckily for me, I am not as stubborn as Winter has been this year.

Of course, that doesn't make the packing go any easier!  Have I ever mentioned that I hate packing?  If not, let me be clear: I HATE PACKING!

Now, it isn't like I don't know how to do it.  I've moved numerous times in my life; about 5 or 6 times in my adult lifetime.  I know the drill.  And yes, the fantasy that 'once I get to where I'm going, I'll settle and go through things and set things up as I want' plays through my head every time.  Let me tell you, that never happens.  Partly its because the last two places I have lived have been sort of temporary - pit stops to other places.  Even here.  We hadn't planned on staying in this particular place - the original plan was for me to find a job and then move to a place on my own.  There was no real unpacking or settling or going through anything.  I'm afraid that the place in Las Vegas will be the same.  It might become Mom's home, but it won't be mine.  The plan is for me to go to classes, get my portfolio set and get a job in the gaming industry and probably move to where ever the new job is.  (By the way, please send good thoughts and wishes for that to happen!)

Because I don't want to just take everything again, I'm going through all the boxes that have been hanging out with me and seriously considering what I want to keep and what to get rid of.  That's worked well for a lot of weird odds and ends and art supplies and such but the big downfall for me is books.  And this isn't just books that you read.  Thanks to my Nook and ebooks, I have managed to get a lot of books in digital format.  Of course, I am still keeping a good number of actual books because they are special to me (ALL my Neil Gaiman books). 

That of course does not help me with all the art books and reference books that I have accumulated over the years.  Some I am letting go, but most I am keeping - not just because I love them and know they will be useful to me even in my future career, but because some cannot be replaced.  And the truth is, there is no replacing some of these books and their beautiful illustrations - or the experience of looking through them. 

For a look at the insanity, are some of the books I am going to be letting go to various places (friends, Public Library etc..):

For  comparison, here are books I am keeping so far:

Kill me...

Yes, that's my bed in there. 

Right now I have been going through and trying to organize them so the artbooks by the same artist are together (I love Mucha and have a few books of his work as well as Amano and Erte), but there is so much and it is very overwhelming.  I know I am reaching that point where I'm going to start just packing everything and throwing my hands up in despair - waiting till I find a permanent home so that I can unpack these books and place them on shelves. 

I suppose the upside is that I am cleaning out my library... Spring cleaning if you will.  Just wish Spring didn't come with allergies! 

In other news, as you may know, I am closing my Etsy shop tomorrow since I'll be putting all my focus into the move and won't be able to keep track of sales and shipping items out.  That means if you were thinking of getting anything from the shop, you HAVE to get it today or tomorrow.  With Mother's Day coming up fast, this is the last time you'll be able to get something for her.

With that, I have to head back into my room and continue tackling the piles of books.  Wish me luck....

Moving and moving forward

As most of you know, I am moving next month to Las Vegas and will be commuting once a week to L.A. for a class at the Red Engine School.  If you've been following my blog you'll know that it was a long process to come to the decision to move and it wasn't taken on lightly.  For about a year I've been weighing my options and trying to figure out a way to make everything I wanted work together.  Trust me, this was no over night decision here.

The prospect of moving is always exciting.  There are new things waiting, a whole sort of clean slate kind of feeling to look forward to.  I can't wait to see our new apartment, our new neighborhood, to smell the new air and feel a different sun shining down on me (sunshine feels different in different places to me).  I am looking forward to my classes and what I'll be learning.  I know I do my best when I am in a structured environment rather than on my own and this is stuff I'll want to learn. 

Of course there is the other side of this:  The nerve-wracking, scary, stressful side.  Its the packing and planning and lifting and worry.  The cost, the labor, the cars, the pain, the dog, the physical, the unpacking, the leaving...  The leaving... again.

I am a nester - meaning that I get comfortable just about where ever I am.  Whether its been the house in New Jersey, the apartment in New York City, or my first place on my own in Pennsylvania, I settled in and settled down and into the area I was in.  I was a regular at places, enough so that people knew my face, my 'usual orders' or my name.  People waved to me and asked me about how my day was, how my dog was doing and how work was going.  Moving to Las Vegas won't change that.  I'll get my nest settled and will get comfortable for the time I am there - of this, I'm pretty sure of.

Image does not actually represent me... But something like this.

I have been blessed with meeting a lot of amazing people.  The friends who I still consider my closest and dearest were made in college (This isn't a knock against the friends I made before or after this time - but the feelings of friendship during college are different, perhaps because we are all facing the gauntlet of challenges as we pass from child to adult).  Moving from New York back to New Jersey wasn't terrible because I was still able to see my friends frequently enough, though I missed hopping on a subway and riding right out to them or having them drop by my apartment.  Then I moved to Pennsylvania and the distance was greater, but still, I was able to see them.  During my time in PA, I met some more people when I worked at Barnes & Nobles there - great people who made me realize I could make more friends than the close group of ones I had previously.  Then I moved again and had to leave those people behind.  I moved here to Kansas and made more friends...  More people I enjoyed being with and was feeling rather grateful to meet.  Then of course, are all the friends I have made by going to conventions over the years!

Usually my friends are more active than this.

See?  Full of action packed action!

Lots of action happening...

Bubble blowing is action!

B&N Willowgrove: You'd buy books from these people... right?

B&N Overland Park: In person they do not have demon eyes.

Add to all that my brother and his family who live here in Kansas.  In the few years I have been here, I have been very blessed to get to know five amazing kids better.  I've watched my niece grow into a really awesome young lady and I can't wait to see the woman she will become.  My two older nephews seemed to change from boys to young men overnight - scary but incredible.  The third nephew is growing into his own, becoming his own person with a great sense of humor.  And of course there is the youngest...  I met him as a baby and now he is a little boy who is just as magical and beautiful as can be.  I've reconnected with my brother in a way that I don't think would have happened if I hadn't been here.

Now I am moving again and it feels like I am putting more distance between myself and my dear friends in New York, my friends in Pennsylvania, my convention friends, my family and new friends in Kansas.  Sometimes it feels as if I am leaving small pieces of myself behind, ones that I reach for but won't reconnect with.  While things like Facebook are great for keeping in touch, it isn't the same as hanging out at someone's house having coffee or talking till 2 a.m., or going to a bar for a beer and laughing, or going to a movie to share the experience.

I will, of course, do my best to stay in touch, but I know myself enough to know that I will fall short of my desires - life has a way of doing that.  While my intentions are grand, the effort and time and opportunity, may not come together.

Obviously, this move is important to me.  While I dread the moving and relocating and readjusting, I know that I have to do this to achieve my goals.  I know that my friends and family, being the amazing people they are, would not want me to stay if it meant I wouldn't do that.  I don't think any of them would want me to stay back.  So instead of thinking of leaving myself behind, or leaving them, I will try to think of them as waves in the ocean, lifting, raising and pushing me towards the shore where my goals are.

All the blood, sweat and tears are there, but I have to remember that I am not only moving, but moving forward.  We go through the difficulties and the pain to reach the other end, cleansed by the fire so to speak.  With the thoughts and good wishes of my friends and family, I know I can make it through the difficult times and come out the other end, ready and able to take on the challenges:  Able to move forward with the ocean of my loved ones roaring and cheering behind me.  For that I am grateful and it is what I have to keep in mind.  Moving and moving forward doesn't have to mean, leaving and leaving behind.


DISCLAIMER: If I do not have a picture of you up, please don't take offense.  I have TONS of photos of friends and loved ones and this blog would go on forever if I had put them ALL up.  There are many more people not in the pictures who I think of as dear close friends and loved ones.

Boston...

For those that don't know about what happened today at around 2:50 p.m., bombs were set near the Finish Line of the Boston Marathon.  Two detonated.  As of my writing of this, no one has claimed responsibility for the bombing.  I do know the last mile was dedicated to the Newtown shooting victims.

John Tlumacki photo

I watched the coverage till about 5 p.m. my time when it went to local news and programing, but I knew I had to stop soon because I was becoming physically ill.  The illness wasn't from the graphic nature of the footage or blood or anything like that.  I was getting emotionally sick.  The last time that happened was over 10 years ago on September 11th - after watching the news well into the night, weeping and crying, I finally ran into the bathroom and threw up.  Seeing how I was feeling watching the Boston footage, I realized I was going down that road again.  

I know, all too well of the hate and anger that pervades this world.  And I know how that hate transforms into action and that action is almost always in the form of violence.  It makes me wonder if we should exist as a planet - are people worth having exist at all if this is what we do?  I do believe in G-d and I don't know if I can ask him to spare us if this is how we behave...  Are we worthy of saving?  

Then I have to look at the footage a different way.  I have to make myself watch the people and what they are doing.  I have to watch as the people run to help, that thousands of small acts of bravery and heroism are performed faster than the human mind can comprehend.  In the face of this one act of violence, thousands of acts of goodness happen, like a million stars illuminating a dark sky.  

Patton Oswalt wrote today: 

Boston. Fucking horrible.

I remember, when 9/11 went down, my reaction was, "Well, I've had it with humanity."

But I was wrong. I don't know what's going to be revealed to be behind all of this mayhem. One human insect or a poisonous mass of broken sociopaths.
But here's what I DO know. If it's one person or a HUNDRED people, that number is not even a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a percent of the population on this planet. You watch the videos of the carnage and there are people running TOWARDS the destruction to help out. (Thanks FAKE Gallery founder and owner Paul Kozlowski for pointing this out to me). This is a giant planet and we're lucky to live on it but there are prices and penalties incurred for the daily miracle of existence. One of them is, every once in awhile, the wiring of a tiny sliver of the species gets snarled and they're pointed towards darkness.

But the vast majority stands against that darkness and, like white blood cells attacking a virus, they dilute and weaken and eventually wash away the evil doers and, more importantly, the damage they wreak. This is beyond religion or creed or nation. We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, "The good outnumber you, and we always will."

Who knows what truth will be revealed as the news burrows into the story, finding facts or speculations that they will report at the drop of a hat.  The conspiracy theorists are already weaving their stories, casting blame on the government, or aliens, or Muslims or whatever flavor of the week they are eating.  The nut-jobs will probably say Boston deserved it because of gays, or Jews or interracial marriage or pro-choice activists.  I'm going to be annoyed and angered by what I'll be reading or watching over the next few days, weeks, months and years in regard to this tragedy.  Mostly I'll be saddened.

But at the end of the day, I'm going to remember the helpers.  As Mr. Rogers said: 

The helpers, the heroes big and small all went running towards where the explosions were.  The military, the officers, the volunteers, the runners, the simple people who put aside the thoughts of themselves and the danger they might be in and ran to help those who were hurt and injured.  We have to remember people like those in the bomb squad whose job it is to walk right up to the very thing that could kill them and handle it.  We have to remember the police officers who have to keep calm and run into action with their minds on what procedures they must follow, no matter how scared they might be.  We have to remember the medical staff who keep their heads as victim after victim are rolled in, at the same time as they offer compassion to the scared.  We have to remember the regular people who know, simply, to do the right thing.

While the quote is from a movie, it is so very appropriate,  

"I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love." - Gandalph, The Hobbit 

We must hold onto these small acts and nurture them and instill the spark of them in our children.  If we can keep the little lights of kindness and love, we can illuminate the darkness and, I think, be worthy of this world we live in.

For those looking for loved ones, you can go through here: Google Person Finder

If you want to donate blood or figure out how to help the victims, you can go here: Red Cross aid and tips

Don't Miss Out on Etsy Items

First off, I would like to say thank you to everyone for all the wonderful support and kind words regarding my last post and the news of my move.  The outpouring of all that awesome was great!  And it also showed me that people are actually reading this blog - also a boost!

I was going to write about a few other things, but as the move to Las Vegas looms closer and the cost and time that surrounds it is swirling, I realized that I would have to stop doing anything with the Etsy shop I have till after we are settled in the new home.  It would be great to keep going up until the end to see if I could get some help financially (the cost of moving and the classes are still a reality), the time and the draw of attention is something I can't really do.  I need to be focusing on packing things up, including my art and jewelry and not worrying that I'll close up a box and then have to go rummaging to get something out to ship to a buyer.

 I'm letting the prints and book mark posting expire and not renewing them till after May 22nd at least so that they can be packed up in boxes.  The jewelry I will continue to have up till may 1st.  After that, I will shut down the Etsy shop so I can focus on the moving.  That means, any plans you have on checking out my items to buy for Mother's Day or just for yourself need to be purchased before then.  Especially if you have any special requests (like changing earwires to clip-ons). 

Black Victorian Bauble

 Brass Chinese Dragon and Red Bead Necklace

 Red Coral Necklace

Pearl Cascade and Gold Necklace

I've tried to make sure that some nice items for Moms are in my shop, so please check them out!  I'll be posting other things later on, but for now, I hope there are some items you might like to pick up!  Thanks as always and again, thank you for the great support!  You guys are awesome!

Ch-Ch-Changes!

As those of you know who have been following my blog, I have been trying to make some important decisions regarding my future - that future including attending a video game design program.  I waffled a bit... Okay, a lot!  My front runner had been Vancouver Film School (and in a perfect world, perhaps that might have happened and who knows what the future may bring), since it was an all around program, intense though it was, and had a great placement rate with great connections in the industry.  Another school I had been looking at was Gnomon which is located in Los Angeles.  Another great school with great connections and placement rate.  Both were expensive to attend and would require my moving to a new location, so the cost of the school (VFS has an amazing Women in Games scholarship which was the only way I could afford it) would only be part of the problem.  I'd have to pay for moving, transportation and living expenses for at least a year.  At the end, I'd have to hope that I got a job that could pay enough to continue living where ever I was or to move to where the new job was.

The truth was, even with loans and whatever, it seemed a really overwhelming undertaking.

My Mother came up with the idea to ask someone for some advice.  I don't really know many people in the industry who I thought might be able to help and she suggested I contact Walt Simonson.  You might know him as the super talented artist of many comics (including Thor!).

BAM!

I also know him as a funny, intelligent, thoughtful and kind person who is probably one of the best gentlemen to know (as well as amazingly talented), who was my teacher while attending SVA in New York.  So I emailed him, thinking I was just bothering him, but in true Walt fashion, he was as giving and helpful as always.  (I am eternally grateful to the man for many things, this is just another on the list)  He put me in touch with a former student of his named Brandon Perlow.  His company website is here: http://www.newparadigmstudios.com/

Mr. Perlow, who has a lot of experience in the VFX industry and 3D Modeling was kind enough to give me his advice.  One of his pieces of advice was to look for something more specific to what I wanted to do, meaning, looking for a school that focused on pre-production art and design, rather than an overall school that did a little bit of everything.  He also said that committing to a school that required I take out a loan or put myself in debt was probably not the best thing to do since the industry was changing and what they were looking for was good portfolios.  He suggested a few schools and sites for me to look into.

With that in mind, I started checking out the schools...  That is how I came across Red Engine School of Design.  It is located in Los Angeles, but unlike the other schools this one is only one day a week.  On top of that, Red Engine is focused on 2D Entertainment art - pre-production character design, environment and the like.   They have instructors like Steve Jung who worked on the first Thor movie (as well as Tron Legacy and The Avengers).

Concept art for The Destroyer for Thor.

 

 

 

 

 

Jung Park who has worked on different video games, like God of War III and Mortal Combat.

Olympus Cave for God of War III

And those are just the two founders!  For a complete list of instructors you can see it here: Red Engine Studios Faculty

Of course, the issue of me being in Kansas and the school being in California was still there, hovering over my head like that depressed umbrella in the Abilify commercials.

Yeah, kind of like that...

I felt really lost even though I think in my heart I knew what I wanted to do.  Self-doubt is a terrible and insidious thing.  Brandon Perlow's advice was good and I knew it made sense to me, but other voices and advice kept inching in and I felt stuck - afraid of making a mistake.

In the course of weeks, flip-flopping back and forth, still wondering what to do overall, I did contact some people in the Women in Games group - more than a support group for women in the gaming industry, they have events, network and generally try to make the woman's voice louder in an industry that is very male-centric.  Their website is here: Women in Games International  I posted my problem to them, asking for advice, giving them my two choices: Attending VFS for a year with its intense program (if I got the Women in Gaming scholarship) where I would leave with an all around education, or attend Red Engine where I was focusing on what I really wanted to do, for a shorter period and less cost.  Outside of one woman who worked at VFS it was a rather resounding agreement that I should go to the school where I would walk out with a specific portfolio since that is what the Art Directors are looking for. 

I don't know that this needs a caption...

On an aside here: I seem to be drawn into industries that are rather male driven.  First it was Fantasy Illustration - while not an anti-woman arena, it was dominated by male artists and the work was very much 'babes in bikinis' type of stuff.  Then it was comic books (and not much has changed there sadly over the years), where there hadn't been much in the way of women artists and at the time, the independent companies weren't big competition against the big two - Marvel and DC.  While still working on illustration, I became involved in the Anime/Manga world.  When first attending conventions, I was a VERY definite minority in the artist alley (about a 1 to 20 ration of female to male).  Now on to video games where, the female representation is taking a lot of flak for falling back to the sexy female avatar and really, the 'babes in bikini' image.  This is about a 25 year span now and looking back on it all, not much has changed in regards to women in these industries, except for Anime/manga which, if you attend a convention, sometimes finds men in the minority of attendance (including at the artist alley tables).  But that's all a discussion for another time.

My Mother has spoken for many years about moving to Las Vegas; ever since we went there on a vacation.  With my attempting to plan a way to attend a school, she thought that this might be a good time to go.  Talking further with her, I realized that we might have a solution to the situation.  If we both move to Las Vegas, I could commute the one day a week to Las Angeles for my class - not a great thing, but only for a year - this would allow me to work and not have an additional rent in L.A. to deal with.  There were other reasons this would work out for us both and with this in mind, we have moved forward with our plans.  We've both been keeping quiet in general about it, not wanting to tell anyone anything till we were more sure of what we were doing and its why I've been pretty quiet on the blog and such.  Its hard to focus when you have decisions floating about, demanding you figure them out.  But now things are appearing to fall into place.

Today we were informed that the place we wanted was ours and is located in Henderson NV, not far from the Las Vegas Strip.  A day or so ago, we told our employers at Barnes & Nobles that we were giving our notice.  I've already put my down payment on my class at Red Engine and simply have to pay the rest of the tuition.  This is really happening.

The view from our new home....   Um... probably not.

While this is very exciting it is terrifying as well.  Moving again is overwhelming on its own, but we are going somewhere new that we love now and hope we will love living in.  And of course, I am moving further away from the East Coast where so many friends and family dwell and who I miss so much...  And worse, leaving Kansas where my brother and his family live. 

There is no way to know how the pieces are going to fall in this puzzle, but no one has assurances or absolutes.  That's the way of life.  Every choice has good and bad results and we can only hope the good will outweigh the bad.  So here we are...  Changes are happening and I am taking steps closer to the mountain I have to climb to get to where I want to go.